Valentines, pro and con?
Anti-Valentine Cards
My all too picky bride My love won’t be denied. Myself that you hold dear I worship in my mirror. You once called me a mannequin As if my poses were a sin. I think you are an elite snob Since daily posing is my job! You are a witch, it’s true, Who boils me in your brew. I’ve one last word for you I’m perhaps, maybe, leaving you. Don’t worry, dear, what’s up above: I suffer unrequitable self-love. |
Valentine’s Day Poem
Strophe I ask myself: would you incline to be my willing Valentine? Perhaps I should be asking you, it seems the proper thing to do. But you’re already spoken for! Life’s played this trick on folks galore. Antistrophe I may be spoken for, but this goes for you too! Since wedded bliss unites us each day of the year, I’d have to say the way is clear for you to give that card to me. And on it, put your minstrelsy. 13.ii.2018 |
I wanted to be wholly loved
By you and you alone And now I am, I wholly want Just to be let alone. |
First turn water
into wine and then improve a Shakespeare line and make the sun at midnight shine and bring me back a kosher swine, and I shall be your valentine. (Otherwise I will decline). |
Nice ones so far!
Cupid’s strikes are random treasure, lasting gifts of painful pleasure. |
A Valentine Wish
Let not your whippersnapper's dart Sting me in yonder hinder part, And yet, if you should prick but me, I pray the gal I see is she Whom through the barnyard I have spied, Whose hair is brown like Bessie's hide, And like the pond, her eyes are blue, Whose lips are red and moist like dew, Who tosses bales outta the barn, Who spins a tale as well as yarn, Out-burps the boys, but blushes too, Who belted me a time or two, And yet her hands are soft as down, And skin is slightly sun-baked brown-- For her I'll happ'ly bear the dart Perchance you poke my hinder part. |
Adios, St. V!
Talkin’ ‘Bout My Gal Of classic beauty there’s no trace when I behold her wretched face. Below her brow one eyebrow bristles, her eyes are rheumy, teeth like thistles. Her ski-slope nose is always twitching, and runs a little when she’s bitching. Her chin and face don’t seem akin, so far from matching it’s a sin. And tangled hair, to top it all, looks like a muddy waterfall. But I forgive her ticks and fleas when my pup‘s panting at my knees. |
I like to watch you sleep and know you’re mine,
and then throughout the day, make plans for you. Imagine what we’ll do, my Valentine! I like to watch you sleep and know you’re mine, though you don’t have a clue: I leave no sign of entry. But this card’s to say it’s true. I like to watch you sleep and know you’re mine, and then throughout the day, make plans for you. |
Sweetheart, my love for you is measurable
in continents. Is taking things too far a trait all lovers share? You fill me full! Sweetheart, my love for you is measurable in oceans, rivers, lakes, the moon’s pale pull, the tides. Yet though you are my own Pole Star, sweetheart, my love for you is measurable: Incontinence is taking things too far. |
My Dirty Valentine
Darling, O dearest, delight of my heart, my apologies for this so tardy card, but life is pressured whilst we are apart. My roving eye competes against my bard and mere utterance results, such as "More! My God!" or "Fast! Yes!" O my dearest duck. And what lyric could I sing from the floor? And what rhyme might I find for a girl named Puck? |
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