O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Don’t look at me with smirks and frowns—
I’ve lots of siblings*, Mister,
And have to wear their hand-me-downs.

*And everyone’s a sister.

The Passionate Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation to his Love
(J. Edgar Hoover and his sidekick Clyde Tolson)

I am a scowling, bitter guy,
Director of the FBI;
But darling Clyde, I shall be true,
And love no other man but you.

I always wear my panty hose
And frilly bras beneath the clothes
Of the top G-man in the land;
Men’s underwear is much too bland.

When I have put the crooks away
And leave my desk at end of day,
To take a break from fighting crime;
The nights with you are so sublime.

So, after we have wined and dined,
Our bodies intimately twined;
I promise, Clyde, that you and I
Will be together ’til we die.

(dredged up from my file of failed Spectator comp. entries)

Nice one, Douglas. But compared to the unspeakable filth that run America today, it seems almost innocent.

Strong, indeed! It should find a good home.