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-   -   You Out There? (https://www.ablemuse.com/erato/showthread.php?t=31054)

Aaron Poochigian 07-02-2019 04:23 PM

You Out There?
 
You Out There?

Way back God was all, like,
"Yoohoo, here I am!"

Today, though, when I call, like,
nothing. Nothing. Damn.

John Isbell 07-02-2019 05:08 PM

Hi Aaron,

You could go with when we call and have a different poem. What does not answer is the answer to a prayer.

Cheers,
John

Also:

There once was a man who said God
Must find it exceedingly odd
To think that this tree
Continues to be
When there’s no one about in the quad.

John Isbell 07-02-2019 07:09 PM

Dear Sir, your astonishmentís odd;
I am always about in the quad.
And thatís why this tree
Will continue to be
Since observed by, yours faithfully, God.

Andrew Frisardi 07-03-2019 12:39 AM

Does "way back" mean in former times, or way back in the N's life? I'd assume the first meaning, but then the N says "Today, though," so it sounds like more personal history is meant.

Jim Hayes 07-03-2019 05:09 AM

Thereís a lot going on here Aaron, do two nothings make a bigger nothing?
And Ďdamní is loaded.
Yoo-hoo, is maybe too colloquial, and would you consider hailing Yahoo, first coined by Swift connoting boorishness and later evolving into the all seeing internet entity?

As Leibnz put it- why is there something rather than nothing? But is there?

Any way itís provocative and I like it greatly

Jim

Allen Tice 07-03-2019 11:13 AM

"SO, YOU WANT MORE EGG IN YOUR BEER? SAY THANK YOU ONCE IN WHILE, EH." This message came from outside the known physical universe, flashing briefly on the destination display in the front of an interstate Greyhound moving at a reasonable speed past a lumbering Alfa Romeo.

Just kidding, mostly.

Allen

RCL 07-03-2019 12:13 PM

Maximum condensation! It took me 18 lines to say the same thing. Agnostics and Atheists of the world unite, you have nothing to prove and you're right.

Jim Moonan 07-03-2019 07:49 PM

x
I want a book of your poems with annotations by Allen Tice.

Yep, you're right in the fleshy part of the open wound. This is just one of the conundrums that define our times. Please continue...
x
x

Mark McDonnell 07-04-2019 02:23 AM

I share Andrew's issue of whether you're talking about a general decline in belief, or a more personal one. I too assumed the latter, though the first part of this sounds like the former. Maybe you could swap. 'Way back' for something like 'In childhood'.

Jim, I reckon there are still more than enough people talking to God and getting the wrong answers.

Aaron Poochigian 07-04-2019 07:48 AM

Thank you all for commenting.

Thank you, John, for the epigrammatic parallels.

Thank you, Jim and Ralph, I am glad these four lines pack some epigrammatic power.

Yes, Jim, Allen's comments are fun. I, too, think he should break those down with line breaks and publish them as poems.

Mark and Andrew,
I think I like the ambiguity but I am willing to play around with things.

Would "nowadays" be better? That would preserve both readings, I think.

"Nowadays, when I call, like,
nothing. Nothing. Damn.

?


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