Bard Breath?
O tempura, o customs! I have a need to write an apologetic poem, slightly amusing if possible, about the tragedy of a late 20th century halitosis of mine (now hopefully held at bay); which (lest anyone not be informed) can be caused by undiagnosed GERD [gastric esophageal reflux disorder], spicy food, weak oral hygiene (is it I? No!), excessively sated male longing (is it I? Hardly), archaic marihuana smog (well, hardly ever), and malicious GERD. Do I repeat myself ? Very well, I repeat myself. Yet I lack ideas on how to breathe life into this aspirational poem. Thoughts, o Eratosphere carbon-based life-forms? I don't know if I can manage this project without pathos, bathos, and nachos.
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There once was a fellow named Tice
whose GERD meant his breath wasn't nice. No lozenge could mask it, though his friends all would ask it. I don't know if this helps, but as usual with Allen I'm not quite sure what he's on about although I've read his original post twice. |
Ogden Nash would be proud, Simon.
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I've moved this to Drills & Amusements, Allen, to comply with the "no poems on GT" rule.
I hope you get more offerings... but Simon's Nashian one has set the bar quite high! ;) Jayne |
The answer was simple, some say:
Not I, by a year and a day. A lozenge, although fragrant, Would've made me more flagrant, So sorry! -- But I've no GERD today! There's no way to retrieve the past, Or bring close the people I gassed. My ignorance weren't bliss: I'd've stolen a kiss, Risking slaps as though I'd trespassed. But that GERD kept me virginal, pure. Not what I needed, yet there was a cure. Impulse would've prevailed Then -- and today I'd get jailed! GERD's ways are amazing, for sure. |
I’m sorry, this has worried me to death
for all these years, but now I have to say: “I used to suffer badly with foul breath.” (At last I’ve plucked the courage up, today!) It’s not an easy thing to tell your friends – for halitosis tends to be taboo, but now it’s time for me to make amends: "Apologies if I offended you." The elephant that’s in the room has gone. I’ve finally admitted that I stank. It’s not a thing I want to dwell upon, but every time I spoke the air turned rank. A miracle – my breath’s no longer gross, so from now on it’s safe to come quite close! |
Jayne, very good. If you still or ever have had this product in the UK (it is or was a type of breath mint), you should exult that you could title your work 'The Sen-Sen Sonnet, No. 1'. I would want a title for my lumbering limerick triode, except that it isn't as sublime yet as I want my holy halitosis apology to be. Still beating my head against the shower curtain.
Thanks. |
Damn stuff didn't seem able to make up its mind whether it was mint or liquorice.
Did it work? Does Listerine? Work, I mean. . |
gains privacy served on a silver platter. FIAT The thread expressing such positions about your breath, your weird conditions, unfortunately, should not expect my acquiescence in the least respect! . |
Erik, methinks thy stinks requireth inks or twitter links.
Methinketh too that "maketh" do dance better than thy "makes" for rhythm's sakes. |
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