FLYTING - Number 2- Election Fever.
I must go down to the polls again, to the Evangelical Hall
And all the usual rigmarole in the rickety wooden stall. To the row of beady-eyed women with the separate jobs to do, The ticking-off and the tearing-off and handing the blank to you. I must go down to the polls again, to the pencil on a string And the careful kiss in the special box that doesn’t change a thing And the sucking of teeth and the half-belief that just this once it might And the hollow laugh as I fold it in half, hoping I got it right. I must go down to the polls again, to make my usual mark Though my heart sinks and my head thinks “Oh, bugger this for a lark”. But down I’ll go and the flag I’ll show as a citizen of the realm And all I ask is a tight ship and an honest man at the helm. |
This is why Socrates imbibed hemlock:
So I can wait in line around the block To check a bubble with a number 2 Pencil—this democratic thing we do— Bow my head in a hallowed cardboard stall With gun nuts, plumbers, Wall Street sharks and all Who think more deeply on the parking meter, As they decide, meanwhile, ‘the Free World’s leader.’ If God’s a comic, this must be His theater. It used to be conspiracies were fringe. It used to be that thinking got respect. But thinking would upset the nation’s binge, Where news is ‘Elite Lies’ if it’s fact-checked. You used to find each village had one village idiot; But every village is today an idiot village. From gentleman farmer To Commonwealth harmer, Villagers joined one kind Of Village-Idiot-Mind: It is playing with muck. No wonder we are stuck. d |
Ann, that is very good, but it is not flyting.
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Why, hello John. How nice to see you here.
Your faint praise and complaint do not, I fear, piss on my poutine. John, I broke no rule. I am an angel, Sir, and you're a fool. But if you want to reconstruct the form at least adhere to the accepted norm. What are you hoping for? To get me banned? At least my contribution rhymed and scanned. |
“The condition of ‘election fever’,
or electio febris, as experts” (he blushes) “pace Gove, rather prefer, can be most painful and occurs in spurts. Opinion is, however, still much torn on whether the affliction is acute - (the virus spreading once May's sham poll's born) - or chronic when June's outcome’s past dispute and settles, like miasma of foul airs, to choke folk’s now surrendered polity and smother fairness in public affairs with fair-wind only for the quality. The remedy,” he beams, “is simply this - ‘No X for May!' Sweet as a Glasgow kiss.” |
Vote cheerio my deario
I am a jobbing poet, one not known for being practical but I can see how much depends on good folk voting “tactical”. It might demand a sacrifice but surely there’s no doubt that cheerio my deario would get the lady out. Don’t wring your hands and mutter that a single voice won’t matter. Come out and play your Xbox, put the former in the latter. Of course we’ll get Theresa if our opposition’s lacking; it’s cheerio my deario that sends the lady packing. The end is drawing nearer and we have it in our sights for cheerio my deario could set the world to rights. There’ll be dancing in the breaking dawn that cannot come to soon when it’s cheerio my deario upon the ninth of June (exclamation point - and thanks to don marquis) |
Viva Ms Tacticality!
First Past The Post suits dinosaurs, The two big outfits' droning bores. So, yes, Ann, please do play your part Upsetting T.M's apple-cart As with your neatly-pencilled cross You show the forked-tongued one who's boss. We need an anti-Tory front To sabotage her Brexit stunt. Oh, from the Isle of Wight to Arran, Vote for the LDs of Tim Farron And leave the Crosby lies refuted With May the shoe-collector . . . booted. |
Alas, Jerome, the time is out of joint,
whereon, I fear, you may have missed my point. I mentioned "opposition", as you know, but look! I spelled it with a little "o". My cry is not to shun the two "king rats" but to be smart and check your local stats, using your vote to give the loudest shout to those best placed to kick the Tories out. (But thanks - your contribution made me see that I must tweak my Flyte accordingly.) . |
Dear Ann, that times are truly fraught
Witness the Tory juggernaut Crewed by a set of toxic blisters Far worse than naïve Corbynistas. Agreed, support the non-Con voice In seats where it's the better choice, So were I in some Midland place With Labour second in the race I might well even vote the rose (A clothes-peg firmly on my nose.) |
What do I see in the old crystal ball?
Those fool Corbynistas are left with f*ck all. Likewise the Lib’rals, the Welsh and the Scots. The regrettable Tories will triumph by lots. I’m sorry I won’t be around on that day. I’ll be out there in Trumpland, the US of A When grov’lling remoaners are finally toast. No worries, my luvvies. I voted by post. These verses are dogg’rel. Their rhythms are sh*te. But their general prognosis is probably right. |
Ann - of all the wise savants, a distressed lady might consult,
The regenerated cockroach seems a masterly result; With antennae all aquiver, to tell flatulence from air, So the bat-shit for May’s ‘Brexit’ is a surfeit to compare With all deadly plagues before it And the doggerel penned for it Is an order of ordure past repair. If you seek a dodgy ducker, May’s flight from the CPS Makes most bankers look flat-footed, as they plan their own egress From a London turned provincial, flogged to oligarchs whose purse Funded last election’s buses, now more like the party’s hearse. So… despite her cruel passion, As a high-end heel for fashion, Having collars felt by coppers could be worse. She a leader for whom leadership means leaving out debate, A parliamentary would-be Queen, in drag as Henry eight, For she finds the Commons common, but would lord it in the Lords, With tautologies quite sneering, and non-answers like records. When Scotland’s MPs make her squirm She fears their voters will confirm - It’s her snap-poll snaps the Union afterwards. While her kingdom's still united, let’s concoct a deadly plot And combine the sense of millions to show millionaires what’s what, For the ‘Brexiteers’, quite brainless, are spread over every seat, So keep our voting tactical and we’ll hand them their defeat. ‘Euromania’s’ still the saner; Let June show that May is vainer And her Tory ‘Faragistas’ are effete. |
'Tis April, but there's talk of booting May;
Though she's convinced that she'll survive the day That's scheduled to occur in early June. Will she prevail, or will her party swoon? I have no clue, but I can still remember How Yankeeland was Trumped in cold November And though we now are warming up to summer The Leftists here persist in whining "bummer". Be you a cynic or a true believer, Elections can create a torrid fever Which contradicts all logic, rhyme, and reason; But human folly's never out of season. |
Shoot me your talking points, and I'll concede 'em.
Where's poor old Colley Cibber when you need him? Oh dear, it looks as if I've jumped right in. Good thing I've got my tonic, and my gin. (I didn't think I'd do it, but I've done it. I wonder, can I stretch this to a sonnet?) ... |
Poor Colley Cibber, once a man of passion,
Is now both out of life and out of fashion. Yet it is meet that we should be forgiving, Since he beseeched us, "pardon me for living". |
Pardon me, Ann, and thank you for your grace.
That was an inside joke for Nigel Mace, With whom I spoke of Pope, and poor old Colley. But now the jest is outside, and how jolly! (At least that's what I think Whitworth might write, Should he come join us in our flyte tonight.) |
Oh, for pity's sake....
Your list of what you hate about the Tories is full of public schools and posh and toffs. Your sneering tone of envy seldom varies, riffing on fat cats, handouts, snouts and troughs. Remember all those gasps of admiration when old Mujica had his hour of fame? Remember how you wished this failing nation could find one man whose outlook was the same? Someone who didn’t fiddle his expenses, someone who rode a bike and went by train, someone who’d even out the people’s chances and make this country wonderful again. An honest man and not a Tory bastard, somebody who would listen and was kind… But look! Your face is wrinkling like a custard as you guess who it is I have in mind. Your upper lip is creeping up your nostril and you’ve reverted to your classic sneer – “I didn’t mean that sad old hippie wastrel” Your double standard couldn’t be more clear. “I can’t be doing with that scruffy bleeder; he’s not the man we need and that is flat.” You say he’s not equipped to be a leader, but I would follow somebody like that. . |
Is it of 'General's alone the Muse dare speak?
What of the 'Council' band we chose last week? I think that when democracy's in view, The nearer is the clearer - and more true. The paths we pace and roads we drive each day Reflect neglect or duty; bills we pay. More readily we bring accounts to roost Of local folk whom to their posts we boost Than of elected government far off, However high and mighty (ahem, cough). Let not Theresa or arbeiter Ruth Defraud you of this basic civic truth: Electing of a councillor is best Done for their deeds, not party-boss behest. So Bah! to Brexit - even Indy, too - In lieu of bins; and pests who leave dog-poo; And swimming-baths; and shops that empty lie, While homes need building now - not by-and-by, Our raters, planners, zoners make the call: Quotidian the impacts of Town Hall. And only those who show their worth near home I'll rate as worthy to more widely roam, To exercise dominion of state; Let poo-bahs profitable prove, not prate. |
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Young Tom's no "poet" by my own criteria
and neither is his peer, tempestuous Kate and yet their work's in many ways superior to the old, overcrafted and sedate. Their scansion creaks, some of their rhymes are dire but through performance they communicate their heads' ideas and their bellies' fire. Such confidence "hath all too short a date"; their loud élan is something we should cherish - this is what FLYTING is - long may it flourish! |
Ann: "I must go down to the polls again"
This poem of yours captured every thought I've ever had of the experience. What kind of change is this we're going through??? |
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