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Roger Slater 07-07-2021 08:24 AM

Learicks -- improve on Lear
The "newly discovered Lear poems" thread reminded me of a contest the Washington Post once ran asking for limericks that start with two lines of a Lear limerick. I think the premise is that Lear started his limericks well but didn't finish them well, throwing away his L5 to basically repeat L1. Here are a few that I wrote for that contest. They're sort of fun to write, so I thought maybe some of you would like to give it a whirl.

There was an Old Person of Chili
Whose conduct was painful and silly;
For dinner she’d dine
On a baked porcupine,
Though it left her esophagus quilly.


There was a Young Lady whose nose
Was so long that it reached to her toes;
When Pinnochio walked by,
He said, "What's the lie
I must tell if I want one of those?"


There was a Young Girl of Majorca
Whose aunt was a very fast walker;
But the girl would insist
They instead dance the twist,
For the girl was a very fast torquer.


There was an Old Person of Cadiz
Who was always polite to the ladies,
And although he was old,
His conquests, all told,
Numerically topped Warren Beatty’s.


There was an Old Person of Rheims,
Who was troubled with horrible dreams;
But his wife said, "I'm glad!
I’m aware that sounds bad,
But his snores are far worse than his screams."


There was a Young Lady of Norway,
Who casually sat on a doorway;
When three men mistook her
For a common street hooker,
They asked, “What’s the price of a four-way?”


And for many other examples by others, here are the limericks/learicks that the Washington Post chose to publish. (Some of you may be stopped by the paywall).

John Isbell 07-07-2021 08:49 AM

Those are lovely, Roger. I especially like torquer for talker.

OK, here's one more:

There was an old man with a beard,
Who said: It is just as I feared.
My follicle prowess
Wonít impress a mouse.

Thatís the rhyme that he had engineered.


Coleman Glenn 07-07-2021 11:39 AM

Roger, these are great! I spent way too much time writing limericks based on popular songs a couple of weeks ago for the Washington Post’s Style Invitational, so I’ll try not to get too sucked into this… But, here’s a first attempt.

There was an Old Person whose habits,
Induced him to feed upon rabbits.
Said he, “Don’t say ‘yuck’;
I need feet for the luck —
And what monster would then waste the drab bits?”

Coleman Glenn 07-07-2021 01:39 PM

There was an Old Person of Hurst,
Who drank when he was not athirst
From a hectoring bottle
That likely as not’ll
Soon cause his poor bladder to burst.

Roger Slater 07-07-2021 03:10 PM

Good ones, Coleman.

I also entered some song limericks. Let's hope we see our names next week when the results come out, but it was fun either way.

Jayne Osborn 07-07-2021 03:19 PM

A girl with a huge diamond neckless,
Was known to be terribly reckless.
It fell down a drain
At a hotel in Spain.
She just laughed at its loss, which was feckless.

F.F. Teague 07-07-2021 03:34 PM

Roger, thanks for starting this thread. I am stopped by the payroll, but I've read everything here, so I shall try.

There was on Old Man of the West,
Who never could get any rest;
So they knocked him spark out
With a huge Brussels sprout
They'd wrapped up in his own thermal vest.

- - -

There is a Young Lady whose nose
Continually prospers and grows.
It grew so very long,
She attracted the Dong:
He presented a fragrant red rose.


John Isbell 07-07-2021 03:42 PM

Fliss, how lovely to see the actual rose in question! These are all a lot of fun.


Coleman Glenn 07-07-2021 04:13 PM

Nice ones, Jayne and Fliss! Roger, yes, I hope to see both our names next week. Did you submit anything for tomorrow’s song parody? I sent in a few for it; we’ll see what happens tomorrow.

Also, I’ve written more limericks…

There was a Young Lady of Turkey,
Who wept when the weather was murky.
But so far this summer
Sun’s also a bummer:
When melting, it’s hard to feel perky.


There was a Young Lady of Poole,
Whose soup was excessively cool.
She said, “I’ll just make it
A new protein shake!” It
Now sells double-priced as “Ab Fuel.”


There was an Old Man of Nepaul,
From his horse had a terrible fall.
He declared at a trot, “Um,
‘Round here we say ‘autumn,’
But, yes, it’s been simply banal.”

Roger Slater 07-07-2021 08:24 PM

There was a Young Lady of Ryde
Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied;
But the day she went joggin’
And fell on her noggin,
Her death was pronounced ‘shoe-icide.’


There was a Young Lady of Parma
Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer;
So calm, so sedate,
That it spawned a debate
About whether to wake or embalm her.


There was an Old Man in a boat,
Who said, 'I'm afloat, I'm afloat!'
Then ironically he
Was engulfed by the sea,
Never to live down that quote.

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