Eratosphere - The Oldie 'Church visitors' results

(I'm just giving John a chance to get his breath back!)
Well, here's a cause for double - nay, triple celebration! John has returned to the sphere, has won an Oldie prize, and Jerome is a winner too. It's wonderful to have you back, John, and many congrats to you and Jerome for your great entries.
(The next comp is on a separate thread.)

IN COMPETITION No 140 you were invited to provide messages in verse for a church visitors’ book. Many of you caught the authentic voice of comment, with remarks about the cleaning and how nice (a favourite word of visitors) the flowers look.
Hugh Rone also captured the tone of a visitors’ book remark with: ‘Mr and Mrs from Kendal / Thought 50 pence too dear / To light a candle.’ Mike Law provided another preoccupation of church tourists: ‘Lovely lectern, lovely brass, / Lovely flowers, a lovely Mass – /
But why no toilets? – Philippe, Grasse.’
Poetically, I liked the final couplet of Jim C Wilson’s entry: ‘A congregation numbering only five, / warmed by Calor gas, keeping God alive.’ So commiserations to these and congratulations to those printed below, each of whom wins £25, with the far from parochial bonus prize of a Taylor’s of Harrogate tea and cake set going to Susan Bound.

All things being equal,
I did enjoy St Jim’s,
Although the choir was tuneless,
And though the choice of hymns
Was just too happy-clappy,
And hardly A & M,
I understand the organist
Is only here pro tem.

All things being equal,
I did enjoy St James,
Although, throughout the sermon
The choristers played games,
And texted on their mobiles.
These were just boyish larks;
So, all in all, I’m happy,
The Rector of St Marks.
Susan Bound

Sidney & Doris Barraclough
Of Guiting Power, Gloucestershire.
We love this place, can’t get enough
Of such a peaceful atmosphere.

Elaine, from Crewe. A cosy crypt!
Although it smells a bit of mice
And musty corners and I tripped
On ancient flags. The flowers are nice.

Hank, Marge, Jerome and Emily,
One happy family from Butte.
This church was on our list to see
It’s small and dark, but really cute.

Sebastian Douglas Ormerod.
Some men have faith, some men have
doubt.
I don’t believe in Jesus, God
Or churches, but it’s raining out.
G M Davis

I liked this gem, its Gothic nooks
Approved by Nik and John’s great books,
The font, so quaintly Romanesque –
Those writhing dragons are grotesque! –
And screen with saints, decapitated,
Whose images reformers hated.

But why the mess and clutter, such
As gives a clashing modern touch,
The kneelers, hymn-sheets, children’s tat,
And notices of this and that?
I have no wish at all to see ’em –
They mar a very nice museum.
Jerome Betts

This little church is very nice.
It smells of candlesticks and mice,
Harvest and hymn books, hearts and
flowers
With sermons that go on for hours
Or to a child they seem to do
As creaky as a Sunday shoe.
And listen! There, behind the wall
A blackbird and a bouncing ball,
And, like a buzzing in your head,
The earthy mutterings of the dead
Whose entourage of skulls and bones,
Far from the reach of mobile phones
Or wikileaks or cyberspace
Encourage us to pray for grace,
Knowing that God is in the house,
With moth and silverfish and louse.
John Whitworth