New Statesman clerihew winners
 

No 4211

Set by Brendan O’Byrne

To mark the death of Christopher Logue – the poet who launched Clerihew Corner in Private Eye – we asked for clerihews on events or people who made the news in 2011.

This week’s winners

As you will see, this is the time of year we publish the Top 20 for the year before. There are some new (new as “never seen before” and new as in “back in the Top 20 after a gap”), but welcome nevertheless. And, likewise, there were some missing names from last year, but whom we feel sure will be back on form this year. Yes, J Seery, Michael Cregan, Gavin Ross and David Cormack, we mean you. And then there’s the non-appearance of M E Ault! This week saw the biggest postbag in the competition judges’ memories. We put it down to one comper publicising this comp on his blog! The winners get a tenner each, except Carolyn Beckingham, who gets £20 and the singletons, who get £5 book tokens. The Tesco vouchers go to Carolyn Beckingham . . .

Michael Gove
Strove
For better schools
That turned out fewer fools.

Vince Cable
Is clearly able,
But in what way
I couldn’t say.
John Whitworth (2)

The chief defect of William Hague
Was always being far too vague.
But shaving his nob
Made him look like a yob.

Mike Tindall wanted to be loyal
By marrying a royal;
But when caught throwing a dwarf
He just looked a bit orf.
Bill Thomas (2)

Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta –
Anyone not spot her?
Her gender-bending, all dressed up and everywhere to go saga?
Lady Gaga.

Steve Jobs
Didn’t seem to be one of the snobs:
That’s why my dad
Has an iPad.
Bill Greenwell (2)

Russell Brand
Was more than she could stand.
Poor Katy –
At first he seemed so matey.
Chris O’Carroll

Adam Werritty
Rhymes with “verity”.
Was this a paradox
For Liam Fox?
John Riddell

Obama
May still seem a charmer
But has he the wit
To beat Mitt?

“I’m not the first,”
Says Damien Hirst,
“To employ lots
Of people to fill in the dots.”

“Science rocks!”
Says Professor Brian Cox,
The whiz
Who made physics fizz.

The News of the World
Into oblivion was hurled,
But the Sun hasn’t set
Just yet.
Carolyn Beckingham (4)

Kim Jong-il
Made a very short will.
It said, “When I am gone
I leave everything to Kim Jong-un.”
John Palmer

Said Silvio Berlusconi,
When he found himself in the minestrone,
“If I’m forced to resign for my misdemeanours,
I’ll hang on to a few signorinas.”
Sylvia Fairley

The tabloids love Pippa,
Whose expression is chipper
And posterior
Superior.
Basil Ransome-Davies

Fenton, a disobedient hound,
Chased some stags around and around.
His YouTube show’s eponymous;
But his owner’s remaining Anonymous.
Brian D Allingham

Top 20 for 2011

The winners are listed in order of the amount they won, with last year’s position in brackets. 1) David Silverman (2) 2) Bill Greenwell (1) 3) Gerard Benson (9) 4) Adrian Fry (-) 5) Basil Ransome-Davies (4) 6) Sylvia Fairley (16) 7) John Griffiths-Colby (3) 8) Ian Birchall (5) 9) Katie Mallett (-) 10) Derek Morgan (=17), =11) Chris O’Carroll (-) and D A Prince (12) =13) Alanna Blake (13), Lisbeth Rake (-) and Shirley Curran (=7) 16) G M Davis (15) 17) W J Webster (-) 18) Barry Baldwin (10) =19) Brian D Allingham (=17) and Sid Field (20) (Nicholas Hodgson and John O’Byrne made 21st and 22nd places respectively)