New Statesman -- employment interview winners
 

No 4221

Set by Leonora Casement
We asked for a conversation between a careers advisory officer and a current sixth-former.

This week’s winners
Well done. Hon menshes to Bill Greenwell, Adrian Fry, Chris O’Carroll and Daniel Williams. £20 to Alanna Blake and £25 each to the two others. The Tesco vouchers go to Brian Allgar.

Kimberley’s interview
Careers advisory officer: So, Kimberley, what kind of future occupation do you envisage?
Kimberley: I thought, like, something involving a uniform and foreign travel.
CAO: Ah. An air hostess, something like that?
K: Well, no. They don’t carry guns, do they?
CAO: Guns?You mean you want to join the army? Play a part in humanitarian interventions?
K: No, it’s more that I want to kill people that are, like, building weapons of mass destruction.
CAO: I see! Actually, the British armed forces are laying off people right now.
K: You what?
CAO: The government is running down troop levels. How about taking a hairdressing qualification?
K: Where’s the fun in that?
CAO: Oh, very well. We’ll try a private security company. You’ll be all right there.
G M Davis

Piers’s interview
CAO: Morning Piers. How is Sir Roger?
Piers: Doing nicely, thanks.
CAO: Good. Now, a few boxes here to tick. Oxbridge?
P: Yes, it seems I’ll make it.
CAO: And then? The City?
P: Maybe. Probably a foreign bank. Father’s got a few strings to pull when the time comes.
CAO: Fine. Good luck . . . Next!
Alanna Blake

Michael’s interview
CAO: Now, Michael, before we start, can you confirm the number of A-levels you obtained?
Michael: Seventeen, sir.
CAO: Only 17? Hmm . . . Never mind. Have you thought about doing voluntary work – in India, for example?
M: No, sir, it hadn’t crossed my mind. How much does it pay?
CAO: Pay? I’m afraid it doesn’t pay – that’s why it’s called voluntary work. But the government’s keen on it, as it helps to keep unemployment figures down.
M: I don’t think that would really suit me.
CAO: Then how about something in the service industries?
M: You mean investment banking? I’m told the bonuses are pretty good.
CAO: What I had in mind was more along the lines of a waiter or a hospital porter.
Brian Allgar