New Statesman -- hints for writers winners
 

No 4222

Set by Leonora Casement
There are many writing courses around, so we decided to ask for some “Handy Hints” to would-be writers for a particular magazine or newspaper of your choice.

This week’s winners
Well done. And welcome back after a two-week gap, invigorated and raring to go! We were sad to lose David Silverman’s instructions for writing for the Daily Mail, which began so very promisingly: “Your readership is politically astute, sophisticated, with an acute sense of fairness. They want to be presented with the bigger picture. They want you to be challenging and not afraid of controversy.” But then it rather tailed off. So, a very good hon mensh for you, Mr Silverman. The four winners get £25 each, with the Tesco vouchers for extreme excellence going in addition to Basil Ransome-Davies.

London Review of Books
Those reviewing for the LRB should bear in mind the following guidelines:
1) You are not being asked to review a book in the usual sense, but to use the book as the launch pad for an essay in which you reflect on a topic or topics of which as a rule, though not invariably, you have a specialised knowledge.
2) Do not forget to animadvert on the fallacious character of ideas and opinions with which you disagree and the ignorance, bad faith, etc, of those who espouse them, or to applaud the wisdom and virtue of those who share yours.
3) Understand that the highly educated readers of the LRB also enjoy the human touch, even a slightly louche one (think of the LRB’s heartsearch ads), so a good ploy is opening with a random personal anecdote. Known as “doing a Diski”, it can also use up several hundred words.
Basil Ransome-Davies

Hello!
1) Names should never be dropped; they should be hurled with great force.
2) Royals will read you. So will dental outpatients. Be respectful.
3) A picture can tell a hundred words. But words are less expensive.
4)Nobody ever became sick on a surfeit of cream puffs. But you can try to make it happen.
5) Everything is a complete secret until three months before it happens.
6) “Tragedy” and “tragic” are not words to be used sparingly: they should often be deployed and without any subtlety whatsoever.
7) There is no punctuation more important than a hyphen.
8) When in doubt, repeat your subject’s name.
9) Familiarise yourself with unusual pets and learn how to spell them.
10) It is not enough to be glutinous: you have to write as if your pen were brimming with maple syrup.
11) When you are coming to the end of a paragraph, it will help to imagine that you are about to curtsy.
Bill Greenwell

The Oldie
When writing for the Oldie, care must be taken in the matter of terminology. It is worth bearing in mind that wireless would not be taken by the readers to describe the qualities of a computer mouse or online network. Incidentally, a mouse is perceived as a small, mischievous rodent, which might possibly provide the inspiration for an interesting article. Remember that twittering and tweeting is strictly for the birds, which suggests another popular topic.
Modern journalism has become somewhat lax about the rules of grammar, but here you will be writing for the guardians of syntax. You are advised to avoid any obvious blunders; while a split infinitive might only cause distress, a carelessly doubled superlative could well result in a stampede to cancel subscriptions.
One final tip: kindle may be freely used as a verb, but mentioning it on the book page would be positively inflammatory.
Sylvia Fairley

Inflight magazine
Inflight contributors need to be aware that your copy will primarily be a form of grouting between the pictures. Its main purpose is to stop the ads from running into one another: the bland between the brands in gently upbeat Prose-ac. Remember that many readers will not have English as their first language, so avoid complex sentences, colloquialisms and all idioms that are not established clichés. Your test should be: would this easily be translated into Uzbek?
Remember, too, that many people are nervous about flying. Obviously, any reference to air accidents is out of the question, but also steer clear of anything that might remind passengers that machines can fail and people make errors.
But please don’t regard these guidelines as inhibiting. Rather, see them as a challenge that your writing skills must overcome if you are to reach a captive, international audience.
W J Webster