New Statesman -- letter of apology
 

Tesco vouchers for Frank Osen this week. Wins for Bill Greenwell and me.

No 4236
Set by Leonora Casement
We want you to send us letters of apology to people to whom you have misdirected a present meant for another of very different tastes. To inspire you, here is a winner from the 1950s: “My dear Uncle, just how bewildered, and indignant, you must be at receiving two Georgian candlesticks, I can well imagine. In extenuation, I ask you to picture my dismay when I discovered my error in addressing Jane’s present to you, to whom I’d hardly be likely to offer something secondhand! . . .”
Max 140 words by 19 July comp@newstatesman.co.uk

Aunt Emmaline,

The ED meds you have received--that's the blue carton with the photo
of The Washington Monument on the front--were actually intended
for dear Uncle Beauregard who at a randy sixty-five is trying to sire one more stallion like those three Troglodyte overpaid third-string NFL quarterbacks he is already sucking the economy dry with. What you were supposed to receive is a year's supply of Barbara Streisand's I Am Still a Woman, a gel designed to destroy every living organism in your body that impedes violent sexual gratification. It is a most salubrious medication. I have used it myself since turning eighty-five and have found that I can identify the very keys of the Benny Goodman tunes that come drifting into my mind after a go with my gardener, Grbzt. Although I must confess that I was shocked when I discovered Grbzt applying my quite expensive ointment to the geraniums and whispering sweet nothings in Magyar. Well, de gustibus,
as the Greeks say.

Your neice,
Awfeelya

changes made: thanks Jayne.

This poof reader has spotted a couple of miss takes, Lanec:

impede's and my self

Janye