The Oldie 'Market Stall' results. *Wins for John, Brian & Jerome!*
 

What great news for our little community! More than half of the names appearing on the Poetry Competition page of the August Oldie magazine are those of Sphereans.

Many congratulations to John, Brian and Jerome, and also to Bill and Bazza for Hon Menshes. You've all done us proud.

(Next comp on new thread)

Jayne

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxThe Oldie Competition
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxby Tessa Castro

IN COMPETITION NO 152 you were asked for a dialogue in verse between the Market Stall and the Supermarket. You reminded me of the deficiencies of both, but the Market Stall won on aggregate. Bill Greenwell’s Supermarket tried to suck up by declaring: ‘Serious gastros (like the Castros) / Find inspiration raiding me.’ Bill Webster’s Market Stall gave as good as it got: ‘Let’s face it, mate, you’ve sold your soul / Shrink-wrapped and ready-weighed: / You never cared whose trade you stole.’ Basil Ransome-Davies’s Market Stall was robustly simpatico too: ‘I am the standard bearer for / The individual trader, / The little guys with enterprise, / But you’re a space invader.’ G M Southgate gave some vivid descriptions: ‘the fat / Green bunch of young spring onions smelling more / Like garlic; the hefty beetroots, clinging to their soil, / Celeriac, knobbled like a skin disease’.
Commiserations to them and congratulations to those printed below, who each win£25, with the bonus prize of a Chamber’s Biographical Dictionary going to John Whitworth.

Come to the market for gooseberries, blueberries,
Tayberries, blaeberries, strawberries, dewberries,
Blackberries, raspberries, old berries, new berries.
Superstore prices are cheaper.

Come to the market for mallard and widgeon,
For grouse, quail and pheasant, for partridge and pigeon.
For woodcock and blackcock much more than a smidgeon.
Our superstore prices are cheaper.

Come to the market for Buxton’s and Brewster’s,
For Otter’s and Badger’s, for Ruddles and Rooster’s,
For Greenback and Greene King, the beautiful boosters.
But superstore prices are cheaper.

Come to the market for Gloucester and Leicester,
For Stilton from Cambridge and Cheddar from Chester,
For sweet-smelling cheeses and cheeses that fester.
Still superstore prices are cheaper.
John Whitworth


Market Stall:
In street market places, you’ll find human faces,
And stall after stall full of seasonal stuff.
No cellophane wrappings or polythene trappings;
Traditional brown paper bags are enough.

Supermarket:
How perfectly shocking! Forgive me for mocking,
But that’s unhygienic, unbusinesslike too.
By packaging brightly, we hide the unsightly
– Commercially speaking, you haven’t a clue.

Market Stall:
We’ve got this old girl, a bit scruffy and dirty;
She says to the guv’nor; ‘The usual, Sid –
Six taters, four apples.’ He says, ‘One pound thirty,
But seeing it’s you, luv, I’l make it a quid.’

Supermarket:
Discounting your prices: what soft-hearted folly!
You’re hoping to prosper? I’m certain you won’t.
Our shoppers enrich us by loading their trolley
With all that they need . . . and a lot that they don’t!
Brian Allgar


‘I’ve stood here daily all my life.
I’ve done OK. I’ve sold my stuff
For not a lot, but just enough
To keep the children and my wife.
Then, suddenly, along comes you.
You’re posh, you’ve offers I can’t match,
And now there’s nothing here to do.’

‘Don’t blame you, mate, we’ve pinched your patch.
You ruled the roost for quite a while.
We sympathise; we like your style.
Don’t disappear, ’cos we’ve a plan.
We’re looking for a checkout man.
The money’s not too good, but steady.
We’ve written out the terms already.’

‘Thanks but no thanks. I think I’ll thrive.
Dad’s given me a cab to drive!’
Geoffrey Tapper


SM: My produce, easy on the eye,
xxxxIs uniform and cheap to buy.
MS: It’s boring, not like on a stall
xxxxOdd shapes displayed with warts and all.
SM: I offer comfort, choice and speed
xxxxTo those with busy lives to lead.
MS: With me, you get a chance to chat –
xxxxYour system isn’t up to that.
SM: I’m clean and cool, at any rate,
xxxxYou’re none of those, you’re out of date.
MS: Poor screwed suppliers under strain
xxxxSupport the profits of your chain.
SM: Mock all you like, you scruffy titch,
xxxxThe world looks kindly on the rich.
MS: I’m small but honest, or, at least
xxxxMore so than some, you bloated beast!
Jerome Betts

I'd just like to point out a mis-print. The second line of my entry should be:

And stall after stall full of seasonal stuff.

I wouldn't want anyone to think that I can't write a poem that scans!

P.S. I forgot to say congratulations to all, especially John! A very tasty little number.

This is the board where I wake up with a smile. Thanks you talented lot. I love how Brian protects his poetic honor. Some are a bit loose about that these wicked days.

Thx Jayne for posting.

Brian,

The typo was theirs, not mine, now corrected! They've missed out the word 'full' in the magazine, which is a shame. My July winning poem wasn't punctuated the way I had submitted it and my name was incorrectly spelt. I can't believe that someone must actually type out the entries; haven't 'The Oldies' heard of cut and paste?

One of the staff sends me a pdf so what I post here is exactly what appears in The Oldie mag.

Now... they've got the deadline for the current comp wrong as well. Instead of July 27th, it's August 24th; I rang them this morning to check, and have altered the title of the other thread accordingly.

One thing we know: that Brian can
always write poems that are really funny and will perfectly scan. :)

Jayne

Thank you for those kind words, Jayne.

I was sure that the error was the Oldie's and not yours, which was why I called it a mis-print rather than a typo.

I also think it likely that for them, 'cut and paste' is what you do when you have an accident shaving.

P.S. They've also got some of my punctuation wrong too, so you shouldn't feel singled out!

Super wins, all you wordy wizards.