Newspaper headlines
 

From the Daily Mail:

The magazine Closer published 13 grainy images of Kate's breasts and bottom last Thursday, branded 'grotesque and unjustifiable' by a Royal spokesman.

That seems a bit harsh on the poor girl ...

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And one sent to me by a friend.

The Australian Herald!Sun reported:

Man fined for selling faulty solar systems.

Considering the magnitude of the crime, the fine of A$15,000 seems quite lenient.

I love things like this. Thanks, Brian.

I gave up buying newspapers years ago, but I have a very old copy of "Private Eye's Bumper Book of Boobs". Here are some entries from it, of genuine headlines from yesteryear:

The Times:
Queen Sees Fonteyn Take 10 Curtains
Goldfish Is Saved From Drowning

Evening Standard:
Man Found Dead in Graveyard
Filming In Cemetery Angers Residents
Nixon Picks His Spot

The Times Educational Supplement:
Five Girls Under 16 have Abortions Every Day

Western Gazette:
Mounting Problems for Young Couples

Evening Argus:
Spare Our Trees - They Break Wind

...and possibly my favourite:

DURING NUCLEAR ATTACK THERE WILL BE A SCHOOL HOLIDAY --official

Oh come, Jayne:

Eisenhower Flies Back To Front
British Push Bottles Up German Rear
Feather In Tunnel Talks (you have to know that the leader of the TUC was Vic Feather)

And this one (fictional alas). A resident at a Mental Hospital escaped through the laundry, after sexually assaulting one of the workers. Which gives us of course:

Nut Screws Washer and Bolts

Here are a few.

And some others (including the NY Post classic: Headless Body in Topless Bar

Hilarious, Bob. The captions are as funny as the headlines!

The 'Missippi literacy' one reminds me of a job I once saw advertised: TEACHER OF ENLISH REQUIRED

More from "Private Eye's Bumper Book of Boobs":

The Scotsman:
Richard Burton to teach English at Oforxd

Streatham News:
Newly-weds, aged 82, have problem

The Times: Feb 23rd
Nizam of Hyderabad is Dead

The Times: Feb 24th
Nizam of Hyderabad Slightly Better

The Capital Times (Madison, Wisc) at time of U-2 incident, which scuttled pending US-USSR talks:

Adlai raps Ike on summit

Here are a few more that my friend Andrew sent me. Some of them need no comment.

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
So there is a life after death?

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Ah, experts - where would we be without them?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
What a bunch of lazy so-and-so's!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Let’s hope that works better than a fair trial

War Dims Hope for Peace
Yes, I can see that it could have that effect

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
It's good to know that they have such a grip on the case

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't the first group fat enough?!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
I’m told they taste like chicken

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
That’ll teach them to skip classes

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
They felt they were being belittled

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

"Some of them need no comment."

True, but your comments are great, Brian. Laugh-out-loud stuff. Thanks! :D

Jayne