Speccie johnsonian by 20th March
 

I'm not sure what I think about this. I shall wait for our skilled practitioners to show the way.

No. 2790: johnsonian

You are invited to take inspiration from Samuel Johnson’s A Dictionary of the English Language of 1755 (e.g., Lexicographer: a writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge that busies himself in tracing the original, and detailing the signification of words) and come up with some suitable Johnsonian definitions for modern times (150 words maximum). Please email entries to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 20 March.

Liar: An essential attribute for anyone hoping to succeed in English politics. Its indispensability is shewn by the fact that the most successful Prime Minister of recent times went so far as to incorporate an anagram of “liar” in his own surname.

Ah! - le mot juste - Brian, as Johnson would never have said. Very neat.

This one is going to trip me up, I suspect. Even though I'll be trying to do Johnson's voice, the pursuit of comical definitions will probably have me sounding more like Ambrose Bierce with faux-antique diction.

British National Party: a criminal faction

Labour Party: a workshy faction

Conservative Party: a ghastly, shrivelled relic of adherents to the ancient constitution of the State

United Kingdom Independence Party: a scoundrelly rabble wrapped in our Country's flag

Scottish National Party: a scoundrelly rabble wrapped in another Country's flag

Plaid Cymru: An expression in the Celtic tongue of uncertain meaning

Pop Poetry: a form of literary composition, neither poetic nor popular

Olympic Games: an International Athletic Competition as cheating, violent and venal as its Ancient Greek model

New Statesman: A weekly journal which would spread sedition if anybody read it

The Spectator: A weekly political journal written by clever hacks not quite as clever as they think they are, justly famous for the excellence of its Literary Competitions

Coalition: An act of political convenience whereby two parties agree to cooperate on theoretically equal terms. In practice, the weaker party is gradually absorbed by the stronger, culminating in the total loss of his own identity. The word is often confused with “coition”, which is what occurs when one party screws the other.

Acolyte: A term used to designate an altar boy; that is to say, one whose duties are to assist the priests in the ministry of the altar. In recent times, those duties have been extended to include certain non-liturgical services to the priesthood, although the Church prefers not to speak of them (cf. “Sub rosa”).

Twitter: A medium allowing the shallow to communicate with the trivial, in messages possessing the virtue of brevity, though not of sense.

Parking warden: A harmful drudge.