Eratosphere - Speccie Competition Scottish Question

Well done, Bill. Is Nicholas Hodgson 'one of us'?

Lucy Vickery 24 May 2014
In Competition No. 2848 you were invited to submit a poem commenting on Scottish independence in the style of William Topaz McGonagall.

McGonagallesque long lines leave me space only to congratulate you on a vast and skilful entry before handing over to the man himself, hailed by the TLS as ‘the only truly memorable bad poet in our language’.

Ralph Rochester takes the extra fiver; the rest nab £35.

Bounteous Heavens, let us all rejoice!
For the People of Scotland have been given a
Choice
And there is to be a National Referendum
For which we must thank the Scottish
Nationalists and London.
But how many will vote No and how many will
vote Yes
Only God knows though other clever People
may guess
And I think a terrible Excitement will have
mounted
Until all the Votes of the People have been
carefully counted.

And if the People of Scotland should say Yes
There will be much Joy and Happiness.
For Scotland will be independent, which it has
not been
Since good Queen Anne was Britain’s Queen
Which was a very long Time ago.
But if the people of Scotland should say No
Then I suppose there will just be many Years
more
Very much the same as they have been before.
Ralph Rochester

Oh! historic decision, momentous referendum,
Which in 2015 will set for the people of Scotland
a tricky conundrum.
Though some for the whole business will not
give a toss
Others will deliberate where on the ballot paper
to put a cross.
From Highlands and Lowlands, both high and
low
Should indicate whether they want the status
quo,
Or our ancient ties with England and the Crown
they desire to break,
Which I opine would surely be the greatest
mistake.
And if for independence the winning vote is yes
Then, whatever Salmond says, there likely will
be an economic mess.
In considering a situation where many are
undecided
It is not a poet’s position to appear one-sided,
But I will remain as I have always fervently been
A devoted subject of her most gracious Majesty
the Queen,
And whatever happens it would be seriously
immoral
Not to let her keep the beautiful Royal
Residence of Balmoral.
Alanna Blake

It will be on the eighteenth day of September,
twenty-fourteen,
That we will decide whether or not to embarrass
Her Majesty The Queen,
And when we will have our hearts and our
heads examined
For what we think of Alexander Elliot Anderson
Salmond.

Aye! That is the day when we decide upon the
fate of the Tweed,
Which is a very, very fine fishing river indeed,
And I entreat ye that you watch me grasp the
thistle,
For sassenachs, alas, are not often worth the
whistle.

And also I will neither palter nor parley
With the Germans who rejected our very good
and bonnie Prince Charlie,
A better man than the Charlie we have as our heir,
Who wears a kilt yet fills all Scotland with
despair.

And aye, Cameron, too, a Scot of a clan and
from the city of Aberdeen,
Which is a very fine place where he has not been,
So I will let England become faraway and
foreign,
For in London, I am sorry to say, they spurn the
sporran.
Bill Greenwell

‘Twill be on Thursday the 18th day of
September,
Which I hope will be a day which all Scots will
remember,
Especially the 16 and 17 year olds, I note,
As they will in the referendum be entitled to vote.

This year is of Bannockburn the 700th
anniversary,
As all Scots are aware, though their knowledge
be cursory;
So on independence I am sure they should all be
keen,
As long as they do not do away with Her
Majesty the Queen.

Thanks to the skills of Alex Salmond and Nicola
Sturgeon
The hopes of the Yes campaign are starting to
burgeon,
Although the Electoral Commission, I am sorry
to see,
Changed the question’s wording to ‘Should’
from ‘Do you agree’.

I am sure that we are on very strong ground
To keep both EU membership and the pound,
So success to Yes Scotland against Better
Together,
And I pray that God blesses the day with
clement weather.
Nicholas Hodgson