The Universe of Ernieverse
 

Just had a Premium Bonds win ( a measly £25 before you all get too excited) and the accompanying slip invites me to share my Ernie moment with the following:

You've won a prize, a delight for the eyes
A feeling of bliss you don't want to miss
Your heart beats much faster, your senses aware
It's moments like these we all want to share . . .

Can anyone come up with a reply to this NSI copywriter?

Thanks for the check, and your versified letter;
But a larger amount would make me feel better.

Nice! They call it a warrant, so would adjust the first line to Thanks for your warrant and versified letter. :D

Yes, the twenty-five that used to be fifty in the days before they raised the maximum holding limit... (sigh).

I have an arrangement whereby anything I win is automatically used to buy more of the things, so my reply would probably be a sanitised equivalent of "up yours".

But, fair play, it's a pleasing human touch, though I must admit Douglas's response will take some beating.

I was aiming for a ruder ending, as you can probably imagine from the first two lines, but ended up with this one:

What kind of a prize could delight a man’s eyes
and engender a feeling of bliss?
As yet nothing I’ve found for twenty five pounds.
So please send me more money than this.

What would it matter to you
if my wallet were fatter?, and who
cut the prize in two?, to flatter
the boss and shatter the few?–
the latter, you shrew.

As shady draftsmen, promising Versailles,
Give an eye-soar, you pitch a wondrous lie.
That penny's-worth is pity-full; no jackpot
Nor letter proved its author such a crackpot.
As generous gifts return the more we love it,
Who gives but s--t, you, take it back and shove it!

.

“A feeling of bliss” - are you taking the piss?
Expect me to dance a cotillion?
Your twenty-five quid would be scorned by a kid,
And what have you done with my million?

Because the prize
That you downsize,
Feelings of bliss
Come not from this:
Pissed feelings flair.
O please do share
And make aware
Your editor
Should edit more.
What makes my day
Is if you pay--
That words can't say.

Good one, Brian. Where indeed is that million? I look forward to the day when I pay in a PB warrant for a sum sufficiently large to wipe the pitying smile off the bank clerk's face.

As the years roll past this once sanguine life-journeyer
It's clear that your bonds are no nice little Ernier.