Q & a
 

Question and Answer (revision)

It was that more than selfish composite
of being young and absurdly alone
the day my class filed to the library.
I asked, and quiet and momentary
herself, the librarian reached down and
with a smile, brief, as if only for me,
offered time to spend with a ponderous
copy of the “The Birds of America”.
That’s when the old disturbance began, that
unsorted impossible trinity:
the beautiful became alive and dead.




Q & A

Of course. It was that shameful composite
of being young and absurdly sad on
a day my class filed to the library.
I asked, and reaching to a place saved just
for me, the pretty librarian gave
me hours to spend with a ponderous
copy of the “The Birds of America”.
That's when the old disturbance began, that
unsorted impossible trinity:
the beautiful became alive and dead.

Hi Bill,

It's intriguing, and has some nice phrases, but it feels very underdeveloped to me. I'd like more detail, more of a sense of what you're trying to get out of this poem. Maybe that's just me; it might be clearer to others.

Some comments below. Best of luck with this.

Trevor


Q & A

Of course. It was that shameful composite [Maybe delete "of course"?]
of being young and absurdly sad on [I like the idea/tone in the first two lines. It's a nice opening]
a day my class filed to the library. [Any more interesting word then "filed"?]
I asked, and reaching to a place saved just ["for me" here instead"]
for me, the pretty librarian gave [anything more specific than pretty? A certain hairstyle? Glasses? Something she's wearing?]
me hours to spend with a ponderous ["copy" here]
copy of the “The Birds of America”.
That's when the old disturbance began, that
unsorted impossible trinity:
the beautiful became alive and dead. [I want to hear more about this old disturbance, this impossible trinity. Things are just starting to get interesting...]

Bill, my response to reading this is you are in the process of creating a poem that you posted too soon. I may be off regards time, but that doesn't mean it is complete. The connection between the librarian and the book and the ending could be so much more. I think you have good stuff to work with but what it is to become hasn't been revealed yet.

Hope this helps.

Q & a
 

Trevor and John;

5 more lines or 10 more lines would not bring me closer
to what I want here.
The ten lines I've written feel enough to me.
Perhaps there are different word-choices an a few places
that would fill more spaces.
Time will lead me to those. It usually does, if I'm patient.

In most Q & A sessions,
the questioners sometimes tolerate somee expansiveness in the answers
but almost always despise brevity.
Often those being questioned are answering in the best way they can.
Already, I can see a possible change in the first two words,
from "Of course." to "I'll try."

Thanks to you both for reading and responding.
I am grateful and your words have given me pause.

Bill

Bill, I wasn’t necessarily suggesting that it be longer.

Q & a
 

John;

Noted and understood.
Really good to hear from you.

Bill

Q & a
 

I have posted a revision.

Bill

I keep returning to this, Bill. Probably because I both like it and don’t understand it. I’m not seeing the connection between the close (which I’m quite fond of) and what leads up to it. I’m thinking that perhaps the librarian represents a love interest or (past) relationship (or maybe even love itself ??) as both versions have her treating the speaker as if he were something special (“just for me”/"only for me"). And I prefer the revised, brief smile version.

I looked up The Birds of America, which I wasn’t familiar with. According to wiki, “Audubon used…the barrel-of-the-shotgun method” in order to paint all of the birds. And unlike previous artists, he would put them into lifelike positions (using wires etc.) when painting them. (Paraphrased from Wiki, below.)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Birds_of_America

I like the revision.

As I'm reading it, the speaker is a child on a school trip to the library, discovering the intimate wonders of literature and art in the form of a book on birds and an interesting librarian (I love "quiet and momentary herself") - it's all mingled together, the librarian, the pictures, the child's aloneness, as these things are. I don't know if I completely understand the last line, but it has resonance and possibility. It's a good kind of "not understanding", rather than just confusion.

Personally I would move "that" to the following line, like this:

"That’s when the old disturbance began,
that unsorted impossible trinity:"

But you certainly don't have to - it's just a very minor suggestion.

Question and Answer
 

James and Hilary;

First, thank you both for stopping by to read and comment.

James: I am very glad that your brought in the reference to Audubon.
This poem attempts to be a statement on how somenone gets their first inspiration
to pursue art (both the question & the answer).
Personally, Audubon was a first fascination for me.
Later someone remarked to me that "It was just too bad he had to kill the birds first".
I attempted to include all that as a single moment.

Hilary: I am glad that you perceive the youg boy's aloneness
and the need for connections, even imagined ones, as being alll mingled together.
This is an adult thinking back to the childhood origins and connection to art.
Maybe the Q & A is informal but maybe he has some renown
and the Q & A has a more formal setting.
That too is all mingled together.

Thanks again