Complaint Department
 

My smile in place, I hear their hushed confessions,
or like Solomon I judge their pleading voices.
I make decisions, setting things in motion,
and write in code the reasons for my choices.

A woman wants her finance charge removed.
She was “BBD—billed before delivery.”
A surly man refuses to pay until
his carpet flaw is fixed. My tone is silvery.

I offer him a discount. He declines.
He wants the job redone, and starts to holler.
“INS—an inspection” will determine
whether to charge the vendor or the installer.

A dainty widow, fighting back her tears,
explains her husband’s death made her unable
to mail her payment. Ringing in her ears
cost her the job that put food on her table.

She hears just fine, and often misses payments.
I mark her file “LSS—long, sad story.”
I talk her into writing a small check
and making three returns to our inventory.

In my small way, I glimpse how God must feel,
answering petitions and complaints,
dispatching angels, caring for the problems
of all His children, sinners as well as saints.
————————
Edits:
S1L1: Like a priest receiving hushed confessions, > My smile in place, I hear their hushed confessions,
S1L2: or Solomon judging earnest, pleading voices, > or like Solomon I judge their pleading voices.
S1L4: and write in code the reason for my choices. > I write in code the reasons for my choices. > and write in code the reasons for my choices.
S2L3: An angry man refuses to pay until > A surly man refuses to pay until
S3L3: “INS,” an inspection will determine > An “INS” (inspection) will determine > “INS—an inspection” will determine
S4L1: An older woman, sniffling, fighting tears, > An older woman, fighting back her tears, > A frail, old woman, fighting back her tears, > A frail grandmother, fighting back her tears, > a dainty widow, fighting back her tears,
S6L1: In my small way, I know how God must feel, > In my small way, I glimpse how God must feel,

Hi Glenn,

I like this. It's tightly constructed and well-paced, and best of all sounds authentic. If you've done this type of work, you've captured it well. If you haven't you have used your imagination impressively. I would think it worthy of reading in a magazine as is. On another note, why do you center your titles here. I don't even see them at first glance.

All the best,
Jim R.

Hi, Jim—

Thanks for sharing your impressions. I’m glad you liked it. I actually did spend a year in the complaint department of a major retailer many years ago.

I checked to see if I was the only poster who centers titles. Looks like I am! I’ll try a different style on my next post.

Glenn

Hi Glenn,
just some (very) minor nits.

S1 - do priests 'set things in motion'? (I liked the journey from priest (humble) to Solomon (less so) to God (not at all.)

I think you need to shift the speech marks, so
She was “BBD”—billed before delivery.
becomes
She was BDD -- "billed before delivery."
(It would certainly make S3/L3 easier to understand.

S4 - anything better than 'sniffling' (feels redundant with 'fighting tears')

S6 - I don't think 'In my small way' does enough given 'know' (which has an arrogance that feels a bit at odds with the general tone of the narrator. It's such a grand claim.)

RG

Hi, Richard—

I appreciate the suggestions. They were very useful. I made almost all of the adjustments you proposed.

I decided to keep the quotation marks where they were, since they actually quote what was written in the files, but I changed S3L3 to make the meaning clearer.

Thanks for your help!

Glenn

Hi Glenn.

I changed S3L3 to make the meaning clearer.
I think it rather achieves the opposite.
Perhaps there's a compromise?
She was “BBD—billed before delivery."
“INS —(an) inspection will determine"
I mark her file “LSS—long, sad story."

No sure about fighting (it's an improvement, but I still think there may be better ... and perhaps 'grandmother' for older woman? Something to put just a little flesh on the bones. Similarly, woman and angry man.)

In my small way, I glimpse how God must feel,
Again, better ... but, perhaps phrased as a question? "Oftimes I wonder if this is how God feels"

I'm not sure that priest is doing enough in L1, there aren't really any confessions in the poem (and do they answer in the same way that Solomon did, and that people expect God to?) Perhaps a mundane detail about where this takes place?

RG.

Hi, Richard—

Thanks for coming back, Richard. You are really helping me think through this piece.

Glenn

I enjoyed this poem, Glenn, including the priest and the note of presumptuousness at the end. I prefer "older woman" to "frail grandmother" as I think it leaves more to the reader's imagination, in a good way. (You have provided enough other details about her to form an image.)

Hi, Hilary—

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
“An older woman” works better metrically than “a frail grandmother.” I’ll come back to that in a couple of days and see how it strikes me.

Glenn

Hi Glenn.

I want to be a little presumptious here.
Ah, I wasn't sure it was intentional. But if it is, nicely done.

In the reference to confession, I had in mind the reasons people often give for not paying their bill, like the grandmother.
I understood why, but of the three examples you offer only one (the older woman) could be considered a confession, of sorts. The woman and surly man are both aggrieved and believe they have been wronged (so nothing to confess to. They are demanding Solomon's Justice.)
Perhaps the way to go is have N compare themselves to being solitary, like a priest in a confessional (and Solomon on his throne ... and God?)
Also struggling with that opening 'like' - how is it (the writing in code) like what a priest does?
Last, do you need S1/L3? It seems rather redundant after 'judging'.

RG