The Oldie Competition 106. An upbeat poem under the title 'RecessionConfession' Maximum 16 lines Entries to Competition 106 email comps@theoldie.co.uk by 19th December . Don't forget to include your postal address. Four or five prizes of £25 plus a bonus of aTaylor's of Harrogate tea and cake set. No, I don't know what that is either because I haven't won it - yet! Come on Sphereans. Thisis an easy one.

I'd never heard of the Oldie, but when I went to the website I perused the "Are you an Oldie?" quiz and saw question #3:

3. Do you know quite a lot of poems by heart?

The Oldie is edited by Richard Ingrams who was the first editor of Private Eye. There have been only two editors of Private Eye. Re Poems by heart - do you know a lot of poems by heart?

I'm on it!

Recession Confession

We're in the bailout,
No need to wail 'bout
How we don't have enough to make our payment soon!
Hooray for Paulson!
He's put his balls on
The tracks and claims the train
Won't come along at noon!

We'll get a brand-new mortgage
That's easy to pay,
And when the man comes callin'
We will have some dough to make him go.

We're in the bailout!
Let's get the mail out!
We'll post checks signed "X"
Just a'bouncing along--
Just lend it, send it, and we'll bounce 'it along!

So am I. Though I may need to post it to Metrical for help.
Update. Metrical came through, with David and Marian. I have a big divvy here.

Recessional.

I went to see my doctor and he placed his stethoscope
against my chest and said to me; “I fear there is no hope!
The Pound is gone, the bank’s collapsed, my holdings fall apart”.
“Oh Doc,” I gasped; “Thank God for that - I thought you meant my heart!”

I went to Father Reilly with a lurid, grim confession.
“Can I be saved?” “Oh yes”, he said; “The Church says this recession
means Limbo’s gone and Purgatory's doors are closed as well.
And now we can’t afford the coal that fuels the fires of Hell.”

We’ve pawned the fish-knives Norman, we’re renting from the maid,
she's now a civil servant with a pension (higher grade).
Each time that we go cruising we must bunk down with the crew-
the Rolls is gone and we're reduced to a battered bike for two.

We pedal round the neighborhood, we haven’t got a bob,
your uncles have moved in with us and none has got a job.
Please send a little money Son, no more am I a toff,
though with the grants the Council gives was never so well off.





[This message has been edited by Jim Hayes (edited November 22, 2008).]

I don't know how "upbeat" this is, but anyway ...

Recession Confession

Please, give me my job back! I don’t have a cent.
My dog has no kibble, I can’t pay the rent,
BANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTI dine at soup kitchens, I’ve lost too much weight,
BANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTCan’t treat my new girlfriend when out on a date,
Or buy gas for my car. Yet, why should I lament

My vanished reserves? It’s no help to resent
Economic decline. I am more than content
BANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTThat I’ve still got my pooch. Oh, he ran out the gate.
BANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTPlease, give me my job back!

Since he’s starved as this country, I guess he’s hell-bent
About hunting his food. Now a well-to-do gent
BANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTHas stolen my girl. Well, so much for my mate!
BANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTWhile I can take comfort in knowing this great
Groundswell of gloom is a transient event,
BANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTBANNED POSTPlease, give me my job back!



[This message has been edited by Martin Elster (edited November 22, 2008).]

Recession Confession


The worst of times, the best of times!
Despite the credit crunch,
Largesse will camouflage the crimes
Of bankers out to lunch.

The market forces fell and lo
The Keynsians have returned.
The Friedmanites turned out the light,
They’re out of here and out of sight
And Hayek had to go,
His reputation spurned.

Spontaneous Order came to grief
And Human Failings won.
Greed wasn’t good because the cake
Was small which was the main mistake
That beggared all belief.
My friends, we have been done.

_____
I'll write a more upbeat one John. This was too long too and the snips were a shame. Cooking as usual at this hour.

[This message has been edited by Janet Kenny (edited November 22, 2008).]

Well, this is a fine crop but remember - ya gotta be UPBEAT. How is recession good? I thought it might be because it got rid of the man Brown, but he seems to be doing quite well out of it, the gibbering ghoul. Then I thought it might put a stop to the London Olympics, but no, we'll spend. spend, spend on that one. Over here we're told it's patriotic to spend and sissy to save, so here's my take. Not too happy with the blizzard of -ose rhymes at the end but I can't think of a way to mend it.

Recession Confession

In the general malaise of these difficult days
We turn to the leaders we trust.
The advice of the wise we especially prize
And we do as they tell us we must.
To scrimp and to save is no way to behave,
Being selfish and mean and uncouth,
But just go out and spend and your troubles will end:
It’s a classical, Keynesian truth.

So I empty my stash of available cash
And make off for a day at the races,
Where a horsey old bird drops a politic word
And I wager the lot on that basis.
It’s a nag on the run at 100-1
Who is first past the post by a nose,
Which assuredly shows our recessionary woes
Are less potent than many suppose.




[This message has been edited by John Whitworth (edited November 22, 2008).]

It's a nag on the run at 100-1
Who is first past the post by a nose. . .

Might be funny to force the reader to say "to" when it's not visible.

Yeah Sam, that's good. I want to put 40-1 because I can't REALLY believe in a 100-1 shot. Besides,I love those PECULIAR odda 11-2, 9-4, 100-30, 100-8.