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<tr><td>Dialectic Dance

I’m dazzled by her dance across the floor,
her beat an offbeat to my sluggish heart.
(Her colleague, I’m a wreck—she makes her start
as I stand hidden near the classroom door.)

With chalk in hand, she two-steps to her score
and parses phrases—nouns and verbs, each part
of speech. She praises both the slow and smart,
then smiles, explains this couple: either/or.

Attuned to dialectic, her body sways
to illustrate. These grace notes widen eyes;
her choreography has earned their praise.
With jumping pulse, I quickly synthesize:

Her present tense deserves a grateful hug.
My weary past prepares to jitterbug.
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[center]<table bgcolor=white cellpadding=25 border=0><tr><td>I'm charmed by stanza 2 especially, because it's an affectionate, observant description of a good teacher at work. The whole poem says admiration and affection, in fact, but the internal logic doesn't hold up for me because there are two metaphors at work--dance and philosophical dialectic--and they don't mesh, at least for this reader. They fight for my attention, instead, especially in the sestet, where I can see how "her body sways" and understand how the swaying is meant to illustrate the "dialectic," but I don't really achieve the emotional "Aha!" that signals a metaphor that works on all levels. The "synthesize" feels particularly out of place.

The couplet is aiming for wit, but doesn't quite come off. Could this poem be saved if it abandoned one of the metaphors--maybe the dialectic--and stuck to the other throughout, so that "good teaching = graceful dancing," with the other, philosophical, idea buried somehow in the image of the swaying iself?

~Rhina

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This poem paints an appealing picture of a happy, animated teacher of English grammar at work. I don't think the dance part is at odds with the subject she teaches; it seems to be part of her classroom manner and would carry over to whatever subject she was teaching. I am somewhat puzzled by the word dialectic in the context, though. I'm not sure it's the best choice for what's being described.

Carol

Agree with the others about the apparent inappropriateness of 'dialectic'. Matters would proceed slowly, I suspect, if strictly Socratic techniques were used in the teaching of grammar!
Margaret.

I also am uncomfortable with "dialectic". The word seems to ruin a very likeable poem. I feel the word has been mistakenly used for another word such as "method". The teacher's rhythm comes from the pattern of delivery of a subject according to practised daily habits. She has a set of ideas which she delights in presenting. (I know some good public speakers who operate like this. They reassemble the pieces according to need.) It's a nice observation. The couplet is a little disappointing. There is a poem here that is worth developing.
Janet

I enjoyed this, but also agree that "dialectic" is wrong. I expected some sort of exchange between narrator and protagonist. Perhaps "dialect" or "rhetoric" would be more appropriate.

Daniel

I'm sorry to get very vague here, but I'm going to.

Poets use DANCING much, much too often in their work. I absolutely abhor the following: crows, moons, dancing.

To this we apply the Law of the Moons. Use it only when absolutely necessary because the Moon is a force of nature to be reckoned with, as is dancing. I'd like to see more justification in using the metaphor of dance, but because this poem is so witty, charming and digresses on the nature of poetry itself AND has a great last line, jitterbugging (nostalgic reference used to hit the high note on the high octave) I'll say, okay. You can use it this time http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/ubbhtml/smile.gif

Great little poem.

Oh dear! Not only dancing, but also crows and moons! I'm trembling in my fuzzy red winter slippers just thinking how many marvelous and irreplaceable lines--whole poems!-- we're going to lose if this particular metaphorical boycott is enforced. I urge you, 'Sphereans, vote against this one!

You're both right. (I'm such a Libra, sorry, I can't help myself.) Dance is overused in poetry, and overused images can be grating. It doesn't mean they can't be used successfully, it just means you have to clear a higher hurdle. This poem does that, I think, by showing us how the interaction is like a dance, as opposed to just carelessly using "dance" as poetic shorthand for joy, grace or rote movement.

Ban dancing in poetry? Why, you might as well try to ban snide and silly comments in critiques.

Regards, Maz
(currently bopping to Led Zepp)

Do Libras make the "you're both right" move? I do that a lot too (aquarius, since you asked), but my friends always say it's because I'm a child of divorce. Anyhow, if Maggie Porter is right, I will have to abandon this haiku posthaste because of its poetic redundancy:

Watch out, dancing crows!
Don't let the moon distract you.
Beware! Coyote!

[This message has been edited by Simon Hunt (edited December 06, 2004).]