Latest Speccie - Sign of the Times
 

No. 2590: Sign of the Times
You are invited to submit a poem in praise of some form of asceticism (16 lines maximum). Entries to ‘Competition 2590’ by 2 April or email lucy@spectator.co.uk.
I have to admit, this suggests nothing to me, but maybe if a few of you post something, I can plagiarize your ideas! :cool:


BTW, our own SAM GWYNN and JIM HAYES got honourable mention in the Open and Shut Case Competition. Having gone back and read their brilliantly bad opening paragraphs, I can see why.

Plainly it is a choice between giving up sex and giving up booze. Well now... What about 'No more loving...' to that Beatles song 'All my loving'.Or 'Drink to me only with thine eyes' to give the opposite view though franklyI can't see mountain-bellied Ben giving up booze. I can't see it at all. You could give up on personal hygiene like the old monks on their pillars. 'Stink to me only...'

To be precise, Sam and Jim got "dishonourable mentions." But I think they were robbed. Their entries were far worse than the top losers.

THE ASCETIC

I gave up smokes, I gave up booze,
I gave up my possessions.
I gave up petty jealousies.
I gave up my obsessions.

And now I spend each day alone
and try to muddle through it.
There's just one thing I can't give up.
Bellowing, Why did I do it!?

Much worse!

Drugs are pricey;
foods cause fat;
gambling's dicey;
and sex falls flat.
Arteries thicken;
livers rot;
pleasures sicken;
you might as well not.

Here's the link:

http://www.spectator.co.uk/the-magaz...petition.thtml

Well, no one said the entries couldn't be enjoyable as well as execrable, and I did enjoy Noel Petty's and J. Seery's. Apparently we can be confident in the Speccie's ability to recognize genuine topflight trashiness, which is heartening.

Speaking of links, we need to investigate the Vickery-Greenwell link. The guy's good, but good grief! He's feathering his nest on those checquesk.

Wow, those winners really are ... seriously bad.
But I'm sure yours were terrible too -- congratulations, Sam & Jim.

Onward, Bob & Marion ...
Those 25 pounds will probably be worth more by the time the contest ends ...

Plagiarize away, if there's any meat to this bone. I already sent it in anyway....

The fewer the nutrients under the vine,
the truer the cru of the sauvignon wine.

No oyster at ease is as pleasing to girls;
the pain from a grain is the reason for pearls.

The roiling oils of brilliance and life
that we know of Van Gogh came from madness and strife.

Through drama and trauma can greatness be got
And now thanks to the banks, we can all have a shot.