The Speccie in Hell
 

In the Hitch Comp Jim Hayes got a hats off for his 45 titles (as well he might) and Frank Osen carried the banner for Eratosphere into the money territory. Good on him - and not for the first time surely!

The present comp has distinct possibilities.

No. 2598: L’enfer c’est...
You are invited to provide pithy definitions of hell (as many as you like but a maximum of 150 words). Entries to ‘Competition 2598’ by 28 May or email lucy@spectator.co.uk.

Way to go, Jim and Frank!

 

L'ENFER C'EST...

The place from which
a bat departs
  with legendary speed,

the place to which
all highways paved
  with good intentions lead,

the place that Milton
said the mind
  can build from heaven's bricks,

the place you visit
when your boat
  sails up the River Styx.

 

"Frank Osen" is actually a pseudonym of Bill Greenwell's. Congrats, Bill.

Good intentions crush the clover--
Paving-stones where devils dance;
Where it never freezes over
And a snowball has no chance;
Where you go when bent for leather
When there is a lot to pay;
Where high water's normal weather;
Where it is the thing you say
When you can't believe the jury
Say you won't be heaven-sent
Just to spare you women's fury
(They are being lenient!)--
Both of us in one handbasket
Hear those ever-clamourous bells.
Can we raise it in our casket?
There are many, many hells.

The Speccie Hell contains no dead,
No fires, demons, writhing limbs—
Only an existential dread
We’re all Bill Greenwell’s pseudonyms.

. . . .

Well done Frank and Jim. AND BILL !!!!!

Janet, don't forget Bill.

Wherever I go there is always Bill,
There is always Bill wherever.
For better, for worse, for good, for ill,
Wherever I go there is always Bill
And it sounds in my soul like a dentist’s drill:
What makes him so terribly clever?
Wherever I go there is always Bill,
There is always Bill wherever.

L'enfer...
c'est so unfair
que le ciel
bores you to hell.

Martin that's brilliant.