Deck the Halls 7: Drought
 

http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/pictur...=3&pictureid=7

Drought

Above our field of stunted corn and thistle,
a lone chimango circles, scouts, homes in
as sure and swift and savage as a missile,
pins down a leveret, rips away its skin,
ignores the terror-stricken eyes, the squeal,
devours the pulsing heart. His thirst now slaked,
he leaves the rest for a carancho's meal.
The land is quivering, crumbling, cracked and caked,

the stream a silent checkerboard of mud,
the well near dry. I pray this lack of water
won't leave me stony at the sight of blood,
of rational, inexorable slaughter.

http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/pictur...=3&pictureid=7

Another one that I could not forget. What a lot of great writers we are privileged to have at Eratosphere.

This poem's strength is its diction and its imagery. The Spanish bird names establish the geographic setting. Each verb packs a punch. There is the delightful rhyme of "thistle" and "missile." Lastly, the trope of "checkerboard of mud" is very evocative. Worthy of a good journal. ;)

I remember this from when it was posted originally. I think it is very effective. It comes close enough to a sonnet that readers are likely to notice its truncated form, which echoes the theme of what is lost in times of drought. Very elegant.

Susan

http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/pictur...=3&pictureid=7

What Jim wrote. Even for the sonnet, this would be about as good as it gets. I love the immediacy of the initial image, instantly setting the scene, mood. Nice binding to the violence of man in L3, though the line gets into a jog-trot rhythm there which brings the rhetoric a tad into preciousness, with the "and...and"s. Were this mine, I'd replace a couple of those single-syllables with something trochaic and a comma -- "certain, swift, and savage...", etc.

Exemplary, by-the-book maneuvering at the volta, with a powerful meditation and summation on the desensitizing process of logical, loveless Nature.

To me, one of the most striking features of this poem is the brutally strong end words employed in each line -- concrete nouns almost without exception, lending extreme weight and impetus to the poem, though I also noted the perfectly balanced admixture of the physical with the emotional and abstract/intellectual elements. Amazing work.

http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/pictur...=3&pictureid=7

PS -- I have edited my remark about the sonnet, as I realized the first was unspecific, and may have led to confusion that I was categorizing this poem so. No, it's not. But it's awfully close.

JR

I've never seen this one, but I have no problem guessing who wrote it. I'd recognize the grace and dexterity of those lines anywhere.

Truly stunning!

Thanks,

Bill

Very elegantly done. A wonderful read as far as form and sounds go. And, of course, it's also a very good poem with respect to content. Which is not to say I completely understand it. For instance, I feel that a lot is riding on the word "thirst" in L6; it paves the way for the dry landscape and "lack of water" in S2 and all the associations that follow at the end of the poem. But the trouble is, the bird is not actually thirsty; it's hungry. And that's why I don't think the ending with the emphasis on lack of water works very well to create a parallel between the narrator and the bird that kills.

I pray this lack of water
won't leave me stony at the sight of blood,
of rational, inexorable slaughter.

This is a terrific poem, so vivid!

As a farm girl, the end really resonated in me. The thought of having to slaughter the animals because there is no food or water for them is a dark scary thought in the back of the minds of many small time ranchers and farmers.

I agree with Petra. Is the bird of prey thirsty? No, hungry. No? Otherwise a vivid and captivating poem. I remember this one and know who wrote it.