Thread: Cardio
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Unread 04-02-2009, 08:24 AM
Shaun J. Russell Shaun J. Russell is offline
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I like how the internal rhyme adds to the overall rhythm of this poem, also helping to push it forward. I, too, stumble at the iPod line for the exact same reason Kevin does: it's too anachronistic, in my view...and also superfluous. I'm also not a fan of the stanza break while "croons" ends on a comma. Sure, it's the volta, but that doesn't necessitate a stanza break.

I'm totally fine with "churn." I own an elliptical trainer, and when your arms and legs are making a rhythmic "stirring" motion, churning is an apt description indeed.

My biggest problem with this piece though is that I fail to see how the N can be attempting to "replace the past" by working out. There are many allusions that can be made to one's past that could have been used here, but "replace" seems to me to be the wrong word.

Overall though, I think it's a good poem.
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