I agree with Kevin that the poem's strongest device is the double-take that L2 engenders, with the expected my dear shifting to my dead.
How is it going under there, my dead?
That's brilliantly witty.
It seems I am on an anti-expository title crusade during this bake-off. Once again I find the explicit scene-setting title too flat and deflating. I don't want a full frame before the pencil even touches the sketch-pad, and feel a title that is wittier would be more effective. In the end I sense that the plainspoken conversational tone of this, while wryly warm, needs to be laced with a bit more of the wit displayed in the line above.
Nemo
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