Chris, I love all those little flourishes you dislike - "wealthy-waking" etc. Why is it "crowded"? Why not "textured"? And "all you knew of touch" refers to the boy's experience with the father, who was never around except when he was asleep. Yes, that could be more precise, but it's pretty clear in context, I thought.
I don't understand the objection to N's presence in the poem. She's his wife. She sympathizes with the little boy he once was, and with the man he is now. She grieves because he grieves. It's not the same kind of grief, of course, that goes without saying, but they're married, they're together in this. Nemo mentioned "healing" - the wife's presence now helps make up for the father's absence in the past. Without her by his side, this would just be a depressing poem about a funeral.
I'm reminded of Alfred Nicol's gut-wrenching sonnet, "Your Other Men," and Stephen Scaer's sonnet about the in-law's funeral where the jerk is getting eulogized. The story isn't just told by the narrator, it includes the narrator.
The more I read this one the more I like it.
Last edited by Rose Kelleher; 04-03-2009 at 09:22 PM.
Reason: thunk of more stuff to say
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