Each time I read this, I can't seem to keep it from rushing by too quickly. The first eight and a half lines essentially make a list, which is fine in theory, but this list has too much cliche (L2, L3) and stilt (L5-7) to convey a real emotional impact for me. I like the play with "leaving" and "leaves," but not the subsequent play with "fall." L10-11 are great lines, but don't seem to me to fit this poem. This one did not work for me.
Davdi R.
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