I agree with some of the comments on the octave. I understand the reason for the mundane content, but it’s a tad too mundane. The sestet, on the other hand, is excellent. It’s very arresting, evocative, and well written.
I admire this sonnet very much, and it would be unfair to say I have a problem with it. In fact, it’s not really a problem I have but more a subjective reaction. This sonnet namely feels a bit “private”. I don’t think it’s due to the dedication, since it’s not the only sonnet here that has one. Instead, it might be due to these lines:
“You’ve such respect for silence—” you once told me,
“—you leave the room, and gently close the door.”
Those lines are somewhat enigmatic but nevertheless quite good, and I don’t think they should be changed. But I do think they’re the reason I find myself more on the periphery of this sonnet than inside it. It’s like looking at the sonnet through glass; I admire the scene I see, but it feels too personal for me to be allowed into it.
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