As per some of the remarks by Turner Cassity and Messrs. Cantor and Childers, I find the writing too complicated and overcrowded. Combine complicated phrases with syntactical irregularities (eg "you'd slip a nickel"--into what?) and the writing becomes somewhat affected and consequently unappealing. "All you knew of touch" and "wealthy-waking" are heavy on the shorthand (probably in order to be crowded into the sonnet form), and the end is too predictable.
As for "the joke," it needs to be brought home with at least another line about the father's reaction.
Of course there is (possibly great) talent here, but it strikes me as excessively worked over.
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