No. 2596: A is for Asbo
You are invited to submit an alphabet primer (a is for..., b is for..., etc) designed for children of the Noughties (150 words maximum). Entries to ‘Competition 2596’ by 14 May or email
lucy@spectator.co.uk
This COULD be a poem I suppose but I totally lack inspiration. Perhaps you will come up with some good stuff. I've forgotten what the letters asbo stand for. Perhaps some other Brit will oblige. It's an order handed down by a court to bad people who are not quite bad enough to go to jail. Children of the - heavens, what do we call them - the underclasses we say over here, get lots of them. This looks a rather classist competition. But it doesn't have to be.
Sam Gwynn and Frank Osen were both commended in the 'Dear John' competition. Janet Kenny won money for her excellent Edna St Vincent Millay. And Bill Greenwell for his equally excellent Gerard Manley Hopkins. We are a clever lot, though Bill Greenwell is of course a ringer. I hope I've got the nomenclature right. I've seen a baseball match now, you see.
Sam Gwynn endorsed his £25 to me and I paid it into my account today. £25 = $35. I'm knocking off a couple for postage back, more if it's more. So Sam will receive $32-33 in cash. Of course there is a risk someone in the postal zservice will steal the money, but I've sent dollars through the post before. If anyone else has a £25 cheque they can't cash, endorse it (sign your nameof the back, dummy) post it to me at
20 Lovell Road
Rough Common
Canterbury
Kent CT2 9DG
UK
and I will send you $32-$33 back for as long as I've got the spare dollars. Don't forget to include your address. This way we stop the filthy banks making any money out of us. Go on someone, tell me it's not legal.