The McGrump’s Halloween Ball
The invites were dispatched, when McGrumps threw a ball,
to gargoyles and goblins and ghouls: “Come you all!”
To death’s-heads that rattled their chains in dank tombs,
to ugly old witches disporting on brooms.
The cards that went out were marked R.S.V.P.
meaning Rattle Snakes, Vampires and such were to be
partnered with Poltergeists packed in the hall
when the band began playing The Dead March from Saul.
Witches’ familiars were welcomed, as well
as cloven-foot devils from Lucifer’s hell,
and a ghost with her head in her hand came escorted
by a skull-faced gorilla that shrieked and cavorted.
How rare was the fare that they had for hors d’oeuvres
cold carrion cuts with sweet offal preserves,
flambé of leeches (these cooked while alive)
followed by rat á la bubonic hive.
The McGrumps had a cellar amassed with great care
with type A and type B and O negative (rare),
dispensed by decanter, or portable drips
for the communal guzzling of those lacking lips.
At the height of the ball the Grim Reaper was flailing;
to the skirling of bagpipes the Banshees were wailing;
tombstones burst open and corpses unhoused
the night the McGrumps and their family caroused.
Then at the dawn of the oncoming day,
as the horrors of Hades all shuffled away,
Grandpa McGrump turned to Grandma and said
”If you can’t have some fun there’s no point being dead!”
Jim Hayes
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