Quote:
Originally Posted by Eva Salzman
Thanks for this response. It is true that I'm cynical in this respect and no I haven't overlooked other responses.
My opinions are not just about this forum, but about lifelong experience as a woman writer. The main points were not to do with personalised attacks here, but the alarming imbalances in anthologies and lack of women editors.
I'm not sure why this keeps being turned into personal stuff. Yes, I do respond and object to people being offensive, not all to people stating their opinions. Some people are being offensive and I've said so. That is all. And this happens with this subject. Last list I was in same thing happened: people got offensive and personal and so i just left. Will do again I think.
Frankly, all the research that supports all this is available not only in my anthology but elsewhere for those who believe this is all just nonsense.
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I hate to see anyone leave, Eva. The world of Eratosphere, such as it is, is a big enough one for all. Not everyone is going to agree with you, of course, but that's representative of life in general, isn't it? As for offensive and personal well, that's probably going to happen no matter what the situation or where the board. Some people are just naturally offensive to someone else's sensibilities - maybe not to everyone's but to someone's. I think, and it's just my opinion based on my own lifelong experiences both as a writer and as a woman, that unless you stick around and give people a chance you never really know where they're coming from. You can't make snap judgements based on a somewhat inflamatory subject. You can't possibly know the personality behind the post nor can you expect them to know your's - that comes from months of observing and reading and speaking. If snap judgements are often wrong in reality think of how much more wrong they can be based on a paragraph or two on an impersonal board. When and if you are around a place and it's people for awhile you learn who you want to trust, who you would do well to mistrust, who is bluster and no bite, who is a bad speller but a kind heart, who is intelligent, who is wise, who is to be avoided and who is to be sought out. But it's not done in day or a week or even a month. It takes work to cultivate a working relationship with other people - not only in real life but here, too.
No matter what, no matter the length of time spent or the level of committment offered, there are going to be people who disagree with you. But that's ok - if everyone agreed with you there'd be no need for you to have an opinion or to state your position at all, would there? There is a point in all drama/conflict/agenda (all it whatever you will) where all is lost if there is no disagreement - friendly or hostile.
There's also the possibility that if this happens to you repeatedly
("last list I was in the same thing happened") that it might be wise to look at the common denominator.
It really only gets
personal if you let it. It's been my experience that while a responder might highlight one person's remark (as I highlighted yours) it's most often done for the sake of clarity and not necessarily as a personal retort. Most all responses are meant for everyone in spite of the fact that it seems to have been addressed to one specific person. I happened to pick your quote because it seemed most representative of a group of opinions being offered.
So - I realize now it's time to shaddup because I'm losing my train of thought and beginning to ramble.
Long story short - don't run off just because you don't like a few responses - by doing so you deny others the wisdom of your experiences and you deny yourself the wisdom of theirs. Change doesn't haapen in a vacuum - it takes work and it takes time.
Lo