Quote:
Originally Posted by Eva Salzman
"By the way, in a lot of online forums, I've had other women writers say that once the invalidation and insults start, eventually they just leave, not wanting to waste any more time, thus leaving the guys to spare among themselves. This must prove that what? They are less interested in the subject? That they are less brave or aggressive? Or perhaps they begin to feel their valuable time is better spent elsewhere (despite all the friendly voices here!)
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Or maybe you just don't hear from the ones who stick it out and end up making friends - and maybe even showing by deed and action that the initial "invalidation" was unwarranted and that insults aren't only unnecessary but that they're not appropriate either.
Or the ones who never really encountered the invalidation and insult to begin with - instead chosing to recognize that everyone is different and each person has a different opinion and that they are as entitled to that opinion as you are to yours - and the only real way to change that opinion is, much like poetry, by showing - not telling.
Poetry isn't any different than any other occupation or sport or hobby which began as somthing male dominated. Women who wished to be accepted as policemen or politicians or construction workers or judges just got in there and applied themselves and persevered and the first several lots of them had to be twice as good to be thought of as half as good but they did it and they kept doing it and now other women routinely fill those positions - but they didn't then (and they don't now) close ranks or throw stones, and they don't refuse to dialogue with those who clutch the past tightly - they just support one another when necessary and keep doing their job and doing it well and they understand that eventually acceptance comes one woman at a time - until all women fall under the umbrella of those who were willing to stick it out on behalf of all of them.
If people are looking for something to take offense at they will find it. Why seek it out? I could get upset at the fact that so many published poets have an MFA or a degree in literature and that they get published routinely by their alma-mater's magazine or the editor they went to school with - but what's the use? That's my problem not their's - and the only way to change it is to be good enough to get accepted without a degree or without an editor connection. That's on me - that's certainly not on the editor or publisher - and it doesn't matter if he's male or female or if I am.
Earlier in this thread I stuck up strongly for Jane when remarks were made about her children - several times I remarked that it would be good for Eva to stick around -and yet I made one remark regarding a common denominator which was overread and misunderstood and Jane jumped me for it - why is that, I wonder? Because I'm a woman? Or because she didn't like the remark? I can make a reasonable case for either scenerio and it would be entirely up to me as to how I wished to portray her vitroilic response - and if and how I decide to persue it and slant it and tell other people about it. Or if I just laugh it off since nothing ever amazes me quite as much as watching women snap at men who are total strangers to them, start exclusive members-only clubs or boards, bite at the heels of other women and do it all in the name of establishing sexual equality.
I think we need to be really careful about blaming others for things which we already know we, ourselves, are sensitive about. When you're looking for sexism, it's easy to find it - as is any "ism." Especially if you think it'll "prove your point." The problem is it's often only taking place in the eye of the beholder and it simply alienates others to be placed in position of having to defend behaviour or actions which they are just not guilty of.