Christy--I like what I'm seeing. I especially like the rhymes in your first stanza, and the alternate ending couplet intrigues me--makes me want to see the poem!
By the way, nice first post!
I just finished a poem called "Birthwalla." Walla is a Hindi/English term meaning merchant or seller, so you have in Indian speech a "cigarettewalla" or "fruitwalla." It was fun using Indian terms in that poem.
DWL
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