Brilliant helpful.
Well - since sleep and death are brothers, fear one fear the other! I love how Plato said 'Fear is the beginning of wisdom' - imagine what a wise-guy you'll be in years to come if you keep reaping the fears like you are now! I know just what you mean about the panic thing - I love going manic, too, and it's all histrionics - keeping the real fear down, or like a release from the pressures. It sounds to me like the fears are your energy, not your enemy.
The verbal filter - yes - you've kissed the Blarney stone. And it's true - your verbal energy, your word-coining power, is so well contained by form.
What you say about structure keeping the wild horses in - that's so good.
In fact, what you've said about structure reminds me so much of Blake, and what he wrote about 'the bounding line'.
"The great and golden rule of art, as well as of life, is this: That the more distinct, sharp, and wiry the bounding line, the more perfect the work of art ...Leave out this l[i]ne and you leave out life itself;... all is chaos again, and the line of the almighty must be drawn out upon it before man or beast can exist"
So, when chaos comes again, the poetic line - distinct and defining - actually allows the chaos to survive, rather than destroy you, or suck you into it. Structure in poetry is like reins on the horse. Doesn't kill the horse, let's you ride the horse.
I always loved the 'bounding line' cos it means making discrete, defining - like borders and boundaries do - but it also means leaping about full of energy!
So writing a poem for you must be like overflowing and containing at the same time. Like standing at a fountain or a waterfall with a bucket. Yes. That's how it is for me. Only I don't have the balance right like you do - too contained still. But you have really inspired me, shown me a way. Honestly. I won't forget this.
So much more could be said! I'm just so glad you exist.
p.s. YES to what you added to the list. My greatest horror is a stroke - one that would affect the verbal centre of the brain. The only thing I'm truly afraid of now is unlived lines. I want to live all my lines before I die. I don't want to die with unlived lines! That's my truly scary one.
pps - So, what do you DO when you hit a bump, when you hit the block? Any strategies? Or just panic??!!!
