I think that's a fair assessment, Quincy. I do like some of the finer points of the language in this one, but in the end they don't add up to anything too stunning. I think the problem with this poem is that it tries too hard to recreate the specific visual elements of the painting rather than engage it. The challenge of ekphrastic poetry is to give a clear sense of the visual while using the peculiar gifts of the language medium to take the reader beyond the art object. This one only goes halfway there.
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