I like this very much. It's a fine companion piece to the painting, with which I was unfamiliar before reading the poem, but I think it stands on its own as well. It doesn't bother me that it's quietly descriptive, which seemed to be a problem for some readers.
Kate's suggestion regarding lines 9 and 10 seems a good one to consider, since it makes the meaning clearer at first glance.
Fine work.
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