[FOsen]

Oure hoost, cleped Simon, sayeth, “Bloody Helle,”
whan that the STRIPPER’s tassle felle,
Quod he, full snyppye, “In a woord,
thy drasty acte’s nat worth a toord!
Get backe to Engelonde’s erse-end, ye woot,
no drap of talent have ye goot!.”
She putt hyr smale foweles in thir cage—
pleynly, she was no Elaine Paige,
but nevyr one to bee beset by doubte,
now in a PRIORY, she’s dryen oute
and taken mastyrre-clense, she’s coole againe,
yngagyd to a SOCCER HOOLIGAN.
Nexte seson, too, another gygge she hath,
whan therre bigynneth, “Real House-Wyves of Bath.”

Great. I had to Google "real housewives - England" to determine that the show isn't even over there . . . . now I need a shower.