[FOsen]

Controversy surrounds next Wednesday’s “Day of Doom,” whose mercurial promoter, “The Impressario formerly known as G-d,” refuses to disclose the site of what He bills variously, as a “transcendental rave” and a “global convergence.” Speaking through Burning Bush Productions, Ltd., He assured authorities “mass transport won’t be a problem,” while vowing the event will be larger than Glastonbury and will feature attractions such as those at Nevada’s Burning Man festival, “Oh, countless burning men, actually.” Officials, who are adamant that no permits will be issued for any such future event, were gratified when the promoter assured them no further festivities would be necessary.