View Single Post
  #2  
Unread 09-15-2010, 08:58 AM
Deborah Warren Deborah Warren is offline
Distinguished Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 632
Default

Felicitous rhymes! Especially the Gilbert & Sullivan-esqerie of lines 3 and 4 and Newton/gluten. (Though I can’t quite scan the first line.)

I wish the progression ad absurdum were stricter—for example, I’d prefer the botanical, burbs, curbs, gluten and stalks lines all to precede the quantum mechanics and orbital paths, rather than going back and forth between actual and kooky. Listing the dog’s intellectual prowesses in ascending order would build even better to the final couplet.

Speaking of the end, ‘stinky’ is too cute. Same with italicizing ‘truly’. On the other hand, I really do groove on ‘hip to the orbital path’.
Reply With Quote