ok, what's a kludgie?
I especially like the ending, I never until now realized how much Ode to a Nightingale could well describe a hangover.
The only line that seemed to jar is line 4. Is the brain really in "shock," which suggests a kind of alertness, or dull (Keats's word!) or something else? "your mouth a pit of bile" scans a bit awkwardly. Perhaps keep the bile but change the formulation or the syntax.
Good luck!
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