I don't see how this a parody, at least not in the way the others are. What's slightly disappointing about those is that they're not only copying form but filching sentence structure and pacing. The way that Rilke poem moves, it sets you up, esp. in the final pause, for the power of its last statement. Pacing, sentence structure, form, count for a lot. So a parody, if that's the word, is counting on your knowledge of the other poem and using its movement, too, as much as possible. This doesn't do that. I'm not even certain you can do that with a poem this long.
I like the richness of the description and the execution of the form. Maybe not the best, but one of them, for me.
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