Right, the point isn't just to be authentic-sounding (I always knew that dissertation would come in handy someday!) but OTT, hence funny. Which is a tall order, even if you all make it look easy. And there's way too much competition for Hamlet's soliloquy to be a prudent choice for a newbie.
Here's another attempt.
666
Because I hate the Moor—
And Him who starts with C. —
I’ll make a Plot to snare them Both
In double Knavery—
For C. has robbed my Place—
The Moor—my Wife—has Topped*—
Or so They Say—and that’s Enough
To see—his Heart—is—Stopped—
*var: Schtupped [The Poems of Emily Dickinson, Variorum Edition, ed. Thomas H. Johnson]
Marion, I forgot to say this before, but you should keep that line you were asking about.
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