The lines have strong bones and the poem sounds good. I also like the sentiment of the final lines, and there are very resonant pieces here and there. I think "as if the world made sense" and "and these are nothing like Mozart" are unnecessary guideposts that get in the way instead of deepen anything.
Meanwhile, I have to say the Mozart seems to get a bad rap here. One of the things I think is remarkable about mozart in particular is his swagger, brashness, and emotion. Sure it all comes home in the end, but that is the surprising wonder of it more than anything else. I think a more precise-sounding and meticulous-sounding composer (Bach? Haydn? I dunno...) would have worked beeter as the poster child for "neatness" and straightness. This actually threw me off a little at the start -- the first line did not match my intuitive impression of Mozart.
David R.
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