I agree with Carol: the biggest problem is not the consume/consumes issue. I went and looked at your crib, Andrew, which I neglected to do before because I was focusing solely on the question you had raised about "consumes".
Your Crib:
Crying with suffering and sighing with anguish [Painful weeping and anguished sighs] destroy my heart whenever I find myself alone, such that it would displease/bother/be insupportable to anyone who heard me:
Your Translation as it stands now:
To sigh my anguish and to cry my ache
consume my heart whenever I abscond,
such that would pierce the one who overheard.
I have to say, there's a lot of strange stuff there. If it had been just one strange thing, maybe it wouldn't matter so much.
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