I quite like this -- it captures a common character, and a common perception of how that character must feel. I particularly love the repetition of L2, which is, in my opinion, a somewhat bold and deft poetic move.
I share Mr. Gwynn's nit regarding the children scuffling on the floor.
Overall, I find this a great character study, and wouldn't be surprised if it's in my personal final three when this bakeoff is done. Nice work!
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