Thread: Sonnet #2
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Unread 04-15-2011, 07:05 AM
Shaun J. Russell Shaun J. Russell is offline
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Literal or no, I also scowl at the penultimate line of "old age never came". Everything in the poem seems to point at old age finally arriving -- the joke getting stale, the dementia / Alzheimer's setting in, their literal age... All of this invalidates the final line for me.

I also find some flaws in other images. I don't know if I'd ever consider newly caged canary birds "amused", which weakens that particular metaphor. I stumble over the grammar of L8, long-hyphens notwithstanding. I'm wanting to read it as "were" instead of "was".

Overall, I think the trope is good, and the intention is pretty clear, but the actual crafting of the poem leaves much to be desired, in my opinion.
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