Congratulations, all you clever winners! I couldn't even come up with a bad entry for this challenging contest, let alone the gems you guys came up with.
Here's a quick God obit:
God Almighty died peacefully in his sleep yesterday after a career that spanned nearly five thousand years and included such accomplishments as shaping Adam out of dust and placing all the stars in their familiar locations in the sky. While widely criticized for his mismanagement of humankind -- which included such blunders as child mortality, blindness, war, hunger and pestilence -- his supporters point to the miracle of life and the ineffable and wondrously awesome beauty of the Universe as compensating factors. There is no word yet about a possible successor, but religious leaders caution that the Ten Commandments remain in effect.