[Roger Slater]

The Intergalactic Council of Species announced yesterday that Homo Sapiens, a carbon-based lifeform native to Earth, are now extinct. Homo Sapiens, often called "Humans," were at the center of a divisive political debate a generation ago in which the Environmental Coalition sought to have them placed on the endangered species list. Opponents successfully argued that the economic impact of doing so could not be justified to protect these homely little creatures that almost no one had even heard of before the controversy arose.

While conceding that the loss was small, environmentalists nonetheless mourned the passing of Humans. A spokesman for the Environmental Coalition, speaking to reporters outside his office, said, "Admittedly, Humans had no telepathic abilities, were unable to levitate or teletransport, and knew less about quantum mechanics than a typical houseplant. But as one of their own Human writers once remarked, if you prick them, do they not bleed?"
.
.