[George Simmers]

Kipling

If you can keep your wife when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If when you come home late she doesn’t clout you
Though lipstick smears confirm you’ve been untrue;
If all of England’s twigged you for a seedy’un,
But she, sweet sunny thing, will never moan;
Then either her IQ’s far less than median,
Or else she has some secrets of her own.

If you’re out dating ladies sweet and juicy
Her silence may not mean that she is dumb;
A gander can be sauced just like a goosie,
And she may soon elope with your best chum.
When it happens will you give a rueful chuckle,
Or will you reach out blindly for the gin?
When the lawyers bring her terms, if you don’t buckle,
You’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din.